The Matrix director, who lived as a man until 2002 and confirmed her gender reassignment in July (12), has previously told of her troubled childhood as she struggled with her body issues.
Now she’s revealed she was pushed to the brink of suicide in her teenage years by school bullies and “voices” in her head – but she aborted her grisly plan to dive under the wheels of a train in Chicago, Illinois when a mystery man put her off.
Wachowski made the startling admission during a speech as she accepted the Human Rights Campaign’s Visibility Award at a gala event in San Francisco, California on Saturday (20Oct12), according to The Hollywood Reporter.
She told the audience, “I began to believe voices in my head – that I was a freak, that I am broken, that there is something wrong with me, that I will never be lovable. After school I go to the nearby Burger King and write a suicide note. It ends up being over four pages. I’m a little talkative. But it was addressed to my parents and I really wanted to convince them that it wasn’t their fault, it was just that I didn’t belong.
“I cry a lot as I write this note, but the staff at Burger King has seen it all before, and they seem immune. I was very used to travelling home quite late because of the theatre, I know the train platform will be empty at night because it always is. I let the B train go by because I know the A train will be next and it doesn’t stop.
“When I see the headlight I take off my backpack and I put it on the bench. It has the note in front of it. I try not to think of anything but jumping as the train comes. Just as the platform begins to rumble suddenly I notice someone walking down the ramp. It is a skinny older old man wearing overly large, 1970s square-style glasses that remind (me) of the ones my grandma wears. He stares at me the way animals stare at each other. I don’t know why he wouldn’t look away. All I know is that because he didn’t, I am still here.”