News Roundup: March 1


Top Story

After getting paid $28 million to NOT sing, Mariah Carey is now in talks with several major labels to get paid to sing. According to Reuters, several industry sources say that Carey, recently released by EMI’s Virgin, has been canoodling with RCA, Island Def Jam and Elektra and is certainly a bankable recording artist. EMI has shown other poor judgment in letting artists go, as the Wallflowers were jettisoned just prior to their multiplatinum album in 1996, and Shaggy was given the heave-ho only to have one of the best-selling albums of 2000. Ah, good times.

In General

In the battle for late-night television supremacy, The New York Times reports that ABC (having already nabbed football commentator John Madden from Fox) is going after CBS’ David Letterman. If Dave jumps to ABC, that would sound the death knell for Ted Koppel‘s Nightline. Of course, CBS may agree to let Dave go if ABC promises to take The Ellen Show and Family Law off its hands, as well.

Jennifer Lopez is on top again! (We like the idea of Jennifer being on top.) J.Lo is queen of the music charts this week, as her remix album bested Linkin Park, Alan Jackson and Kirk Franklin.

After a 14-year lay-off, Madonna will once again tread the boards of live theater. The pop diva is to lead the cast in London’s West End play “Up for Grabs,” which premieres May 23. British citizens were heard to comment, “I don’t care if she lives here, marries Guy Ritchie in a castle and appears in a London play; that still doesn’t make her a citizen of the realm!”

It doesn’t take an Old Testament Bible to know that Luke Perry returns to television this Sunday on Showtime’s Jeremiah. Jeremiah takes place in the God-forsaken future (unlike Jeremiah the prophet, who lived in the God-forsaken past), when the planet’s inhabitants have few resources and have to scrounge for whatever they get. Which largely describes Luke Perry‘s career since he left Beverly Hills 90210.

Fox, the network that brought you Who Wants to Marry a Multimillionaire?, sinks to a new low with Celebrity Boxing. The first few bouts will feature “the battle of the bad girls” (Amy Fisher vs. Tonya Harding) and Brady Bunch‘s Barry Williams (Greg Brady) vs. Partridge Family‘s Danny Bonaduce (Danny Partridge). We couldn’t make up material this good. We’re just waiting for Alex Trebek and Pat Sajak to rumble in the ring together.

More from the world of late-night television: Jay Leno‘s in trouble for a joke he made about a South Korean delicacy. Leno quipped that disqualified South Korean speed skater Kim Dong-sung “was so mad he went home and kicked the dog, and then ate him.” Former South Korean prime minister Kim Jong-pil was so outraged that he called Jay Leno “ill-mannered.” Apparently ABC prizes manners above all else, which must be why it’s going after Letterman and not Leno.

The TV ratings for the Grammys this year hit a six-year low, Reuters reports. Although it dominated Wednesday night ratings, the Grammy show’s 19-million-viewer average was still at least 6 million lower than each of the past three years. CBS has allegedly said it will pay for J.Lo to get a new dress for next year’s show.

Paul McCartney is setting off on a new “Long and Winding Road” as he starts a 20-show, 19-city North American tour over the course of eight weeks. Reuters quotes McCartney as saying he is “chuffed” to start the tour, his first since 1993. We have no idea what that means, but we like how it sounds.

In a case of music’s musical chairs, two former Destiny’s Child members are suing the current members of Destiny’s Child for making disparaging remarks about them on the current album by Destiny’s Child. Confused? So are we.

Rebellious punk group Sex Pistols’ acerbic version of “God Save the Queen” is being re-released to mark the current British monarch’s 50th anniversary on the throne. (Help her, someone! She’s sat down and she can’t get up!) Of course, the highlight of the song is lead singer Johnny Rotten snarling, “God save the queen, she ain’t no human being”–or is that just a recent quote by Prince Charles?

Continuing on the royal theme, the Queen’s teenage grandson, Prince Harry, has been cleared by British police on charges of marijuana use. Prince Harry had no comment on the matter, though for some unexplained reason it appeared he was holding his breath.