SCI-FI GEEK: A Galaxy of … Um, Sean Young!

What would you do if you saw Terence Stamp bellying up to the bar? Could you resist the urge to approach him and scream, “You will bow down before me, Jor-El! Both you, and then one day, your heirs!” ? The 26th annual Saturn Awards were held Tuesday in Century City, Calif., and, what with all the sci-fi and fantasy movie gods and goddesses in attendance, we had trouble keeping the cap on all the riffs we were tempted to uncork. There was Martin (“Ed Wood“) Landau (“Nowadays, no one gives two f***s for Bela.”), Robert (“Nightmare on Elm Street“) Englund (“I’m your boyfriend now!”), director Bryan (“The Usual Suspects“) Singer (“Who is Keyser Soze?”), and so on.

Luckily we refrained from making fools of ourselves, but the same could not be said for the several dozen fanboys (and fangirls) who crowded the Park Hyatt Hotel lobby, trying to sneak autographs as the stars filtered into the ballroom.

Take Mike Willis, 22, of North Hollywood, Calif. While Sean (Wannabe Catwoman) Young was putting her signature on some of his “Blade Runner” memorabilia he nervously tried making small talk, and here’s what he came up with: “So, how old are you now?” Young smiled and said, “Old enough to know better.”

“I just wanted to jump in a lake,” Willis told Sci-Fi Geek later. “I felt like the stereotypical, socially retarded fanboy.”

Matt Damon GET YER STINKIN’ PAWS OFF ME! Nowadays, everything’s gotta be a franchise and a star vehicle, so it’s not surprising to hear trade-paper reports that Matt Damon is interested in the starring role in Tim Burton‘s upcoming “Planet of the Apes” remake. Danny DeVito may also get a part in the film — playing, we assume, one of the evil gorillas. (Who else is he going to play — Dr. Zaius?)

Spider-Man SPIDER-WHO? First, an unknown kid was cast as the young Darth Vader in the next “Star Wars” flick, and now word comes from that two more fresh young faces, Irish actor Colin Farrell and American teen Jay Rodan, have been screen tested for Columbia’s now-in-development “Spider-Man” movie.

Nicolas Cage SUPER EXIT: After years of on-again, off-again production and rumors galore, who knows if Warners will ever make its “Superman Lives” movie, but one thing appears certain: Nicolas Cage won’t play the man of steel. Cinescape reported this week that Cage has finally lost interest.

Thank you, there is a God.