Sounds Off: Sexiest Man Alive

People magazine is poised to announce their Sexiest Man Alive in next week’s issue–and women everywhere are all a-quiver about it.

Well, of course, they are. Why wouldn’t they be? A whole magazine full of handsome young men who titillate women simply by gazing at them from the page. Yummy.

One point, though, I feel I should mention. Sure, it’s fun to ogle the glamour boys in all their splendor, but if you think about it too long and analyze the situation, doesn’t it seem sort of redundant? You take a movie star who is clearly already a sexy guy and give him the label just because it sells.

But, in my true blonde style, who wants to think about such things? Who wants to think AT ALL? Just go with it.

Here are my guesses on who might get the cover; they may be a little biased towards movie stars because, well, that’s my true obsession. So sue me.

Ben Affleck

Affleck could be a long shot since Pearl Harbor was a semi-dud at the theaters, and he doesn’t seem to have much of a career going. But he’s still a bona fide cutie and troubled as well–you remember, the drinking problem. Maybe being the sexiest man alive will do the trick to get him out of his rut.

The entire cast of Ocean’s Eleven

Good lord, could a cast get any sexier? So, as a collective, I think People magazine should consider the following: George Clooney. Brad Pitt. Matt Damon. Andy Garcia. Heck, I’ll even throw in director Steven Soderbergh for good measure. True, he is a little goofy looking but standing next to the other guys, who’ll notice?

Russell Crowe

Crowe‘s definitely earned the surliest man alive title, but that’s OK; he still looks really good even if he never cracks a smile. Crowe was the “It” guy last year, especially after winning the Academy Award for Best Actor for his manly Maximus in Gladiator, and he’s got another Oscar caliber role coming up, playing a sexy schizophrenic in A Beautiful Mind. Hey, I like the sound of that one.

Tom Hanks

Oh, come on! Why not? Sure, he’s channeling the all-American nice guy Jimmy Stewart, but Hanks could be sexy. He may not be drop-dead gorgeous, but he possesses all the great qualities women love–he’s kind, funny, has a great smile. And he pined for his woman for many long years, deserted on a tropical island in Cast Away, talking to a volleyball, for the love of Pete. That should account for something. Look, even Stewart was considered a real ladies’ man in his day.

Martin Sheen

I can see you nodding your heads…yes, he makes an incredibly sexy president of the United States. And he’s smart, hard-headed, fair, vulnerable and loyal. Just the kind of president I believe this country desperately wishes for. As well, Martin Sheen, along with his show The West Wing, has turned television on its ear.

Bruce Willis

OK, Willis is one of my personal favorites. I’m not sure if he’s ever been considered by those guys at People, but he is simply one of the tastier actors out there. I think it’s his sense of humor that crinkles out of his eyes when he looks at you. Or maybe that crooked grin. Or how about you just know he’s a good kisser. Hmmm, it’s all good. Go see Bandits if you don’t believe me.

The international young ‘uns

Here’s a short list: Heath Ledger–the Australian hunk who melts you completely in A Knight’s Tale; Colin Farrell–the Irish honey who is devastatingly gorgeous in the otherwise bad film American Outlaws; Jude Law–the British beauty who couldn’t have looked better with a tan in The Talented Mr. Ripley.

OK, OK, that’s enough already! Geez, I’m having a heart attack over here.