TAB TOP 10: Cruisin’ Kathie Lee

So who cares about Kathie Lee now that she’s off the tube? Answer: The National Enquirer, of course.

In a week seemingly devoid of major dirt, the tab has devoted a centerfold piece covering the post-talk show life of perky Kathie Lee.

And this is what the Enquirer has to tell us: 1) Kathie Lee spent three weeks on a cruise with hubby Frank and kiddies Cody and Cassidy vacationing to France. 2) During the trip, Kathie Lee and Frank has rediscovered their love for each other. And 3) Kathie Lee is happy.

A slow week, indeed.

And now, it is time for other tab reports that really matter:

1. “Little Hercules — Believe It or Not, Muscle Kid Is Just Seven Years Old!” (Globe, p. 46) And yes, there’s even a photo of a kid with rippling muscles and a six pack to prove it –- except, to us at least, it looks a lot like the kid’s head was superimposed onto a grown man’s body through Photoshop™ or something.

2. “Brad & Jennifer’s Baby” (Globe, p. 9) Mrs. Brad Pitt is reportedly trying to gain weight so she can get pregnant. And don’t ask us what’s the correlation between the two.

3. “Ben Affleck Has the Hots For ‘Survivor’ Cutie” (Enquirer, p. 1) No, not Greg! Colleen!

4. “Two-Fisted Granny, 93, Fights Off Two Robbers (Enquirer, p. 10) The wowing true tale of one lil’ old lady as she kicks ass and takes names when two good-for-nothings tried to rob her, along with a dramatic photo re-enactment of the whole thing.

5. “Girl, 11, Saves Baby Brother From Killer Python (Weekly World News, p. 1) Take that, two-fisted granny, 93, who fought off two robbers in the Enquirer story!

6. “Ellen’s Gay Lover Ditched Her For A Man” (Star, p. 16) Yeah, yeah, that’s what they said last week, and the week before that.

7. “George Clooney Paid Ex-Lover $4.5M As He Romances Sexy Charlize Theron” (Star, p. 22) Hold on, but we thought he was dating Lucy Liu.

8. “Ladies’ Man Burt Bares His Love Secrets” (Star, p. 46) Er, Mr. Reynolds, we’d rather you not.

9. “Moms Who Cuddle Their Babies Make Them Smarter Adults!” (Weekly World News, p. 10) Freud, on the other hand, begs to differ.

10. “I Was Spanked By Saddam Hussein! (Weekly World News, p.45) A parliamentary hearing and an investigation by an independent counsel soon to follow. Stay tuned.