There were very few concretely good movies this year (I’m pretty sure The Situation has written more books than there are worthwhile flicks from 2010). Whenever one like Inception or Black Swan or Toy Story 3 came out and totally blew our minds, we were so thankful because it meant we didn’t have to keep sucking the marrow out of mediocre movies in hope of getting one drop of enjoyable cinema. Finally there was somewhere we could turn for definitive and dependable entertainment! However, the supreme goodness of movies like Inception and Toy Story 3 cast a shadow over the majority of this year’s releases and the coming of the new year and award season means some unlucky films will be forgotten. Here are the top ten movies we’re most likely to forget ever existed once the clock strikes 12 on New Year’s Eve and we’re making out with a doorman.
A leap year happens only once every four years and a movie about a leap year hardly ever happens, so it’s no wonder this “romantic comedy” starring Amy Adams and Matthew Goode isn’t in the forefront of your mind. Also, it was released way back on January 8th, so it’s had a lot of time to collect dust on the shelf with Peabody, whose eyes are vacant of your love. AND ALSO, Leap Year was about a woman who comes across as utterly unlikable based on how she perpetuates the belief that women can’t be the ones to propose marriage over the course of her quest to prove otherwise. In other words, a movie that seeks to redefine marital traditions, but ends up reinforcing them in the end? In 2010, the year where people are proposing to their spouses via viral videos? Unbelievable.
Not to be confused with the good movie, I Know Who Killed Me! TKIM starred Casey Affleck, Kate Hudson and Jessica Alba and was about the old wives tale of a Texas deputy sheriff who sleeps with a prostitute and her allure turns someone into a serial killer. If that plot alone doesn’t make it a nondescript movie, perhaps knowing that critics were careful enough to note the poor musical score will solidify things. At least things ended well for Affleck, who managed to follow this pointless flick with one of the most hated and deception-based movies of the year!
The Wolfman was one of, if not the only movie this year that dealt with werewolves. That alone should mean we’d be most likely to remember when Benicio Del Toro played a man who was bitten by a werewolf when he went back to his hometown in search of his brother’s killer. But because Benicio looks like a werewolf when he’s walking to the dry cleaners, this films place in this year’s cinema roundup seems totally hazy. Not even the presence of Emily Blunt and Anthony Hopkins made this movie stand out, which again is quite telling since it was the only movie this year about the guys on our flannel sheets!
Cop Out had Bruce Willis playing a police officer who was planning to pay for his daughter’s wedding by selling a very expensive and collectible baseball card, but when it is suddenly stolen he enlists the help of his cop friend and “memorabilia-obsessed gangster,” played by Tracy Morgan, to help him retrieve it. Despite featuring a widely favored and totally under-cast Morgan, the method of getting us to care about a baseball card by making it worth the price of an innocent girl’s dream wedding was cheap and transparent and therefore deemed unworthy of our neurons by our neurons.
Ah yes, Legion: the movie that was supposed to encourage us to consider how fragile the human race is, despite appearing in theaters during a period in history when we’re so resourceful that we’re downloading apps on our iPhones to tell us which restaurants have bathrooms that aren’t reserved just for patrons. In Legion, God loses faith in humanity and sends a bunch of angels to kick-start the Apocalypse. Humanity is saved only by Paul Bettany (which isn’t entirely unbelievable in real life either), when random strangers are trapped in a diner with him and he restores their good-nature.
Greenberg was a Noah Baumbach film starring Ben Stiller, who played a New Yorker that moved to Los Angeles to do the most annoying thing to watch someone do onscreen: GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER. While house sitting for his brother, Greenberg starts to feel something for his brother’s assistant, which while sweet does not make his existence (no matter how fictionalized) on the planet any harder to resent.
Ryan Reynolds played Jeff Daniels’ imaginary superhero friend and Emma Stone played some weird teenage girl that was friends with Daniels somewhere in Long Island. I swear I’m not leaving anything out. Except Lisa Kudrow.
In Repo Men, Jude Law and Forest Whitaker played members of “The Union” that repossess the highly efficient mechanical organs from the unwell people who’ve failed to make the necessary payments on them. After Law’s (or former soldier Remy) heart fails on the job, he receives one of “The Union’s” organs but is naturally unable to pay for it. He then finds himself fighting his ex-partner, who has been assigned to reclaim the device inside him, to keep the organ (and his life). Why “The Union” was smart enough to have people to repossess the organs from those who couldn’t make the payments but dumb enough to loan the organs out to people that couldn’t pay for them was beyond all of us.
This was the movie that resulted in Joan Jett and Cherie Currie briefly emerging from their igloos of gold records to defend Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning as legitimate actresses. It made you buy a guitar that you’re currently trying to figure out who to give to for Christmas.
You either loved or hated MacGruber, but chances are you forgot it was made the second Joseph Gordon-Levitt explained what a “kick” was in Inception. It was based on the series of SNL sketches that were also headed by Will Forte (which were actually quite hilarious) and was excellent in that it juxtaposed serious actors like Val Kilmer and Ryan Phillippe opposite noted comedians and SNL alumni. The worst and saddest thing about this movie was that it came in a year where we were basically so starving for good movies that when something revolutionary came along (like Inception), this flick was instantaneously pushed to the side way before it should have been.