Eamonn, a virgin who still lives with his overbearing mother, is pushed around by every teenager in Belfast. When he's not working, he spends his time wistfully dreaming of a life of romance. He never did have much luck with the ladies, but all this changes after an encounter with Mary Mallory, the local good-time girl. Eamonn learns he has a unique gift - apparently he has the highest sperm count in all of Ireland. Soon he has become the Lothario of Belfast. His newfound confidence gives him the courage to ask out his dream girl Rosie, and soon he is leading a bizarre double life, providing his unique services to the good ladies of Belfast by day and playing the shy lover to Rosie at night. But when his unique talent comes to the attention of the local Protestant paramilitaries, his troubles are just beginning. Aware that the rising Catholic birthrate means they will not be the majority for much longer, they concoct a devious scheme to kidnap Eamonn in order to even the demographic score.