A trip to the wig store, a masquerade ball, and an appearance by Donald Faison, all set to a song by The Shins? It can only be the teaser trailer for Zach Braff‘s latest stint in the director’s chair, Wish I Was Here. In the film, Braff stars as Aidan Bloom, an actor, husband, and father in his mid 30s who finds himself unable to pay for his children’s private school when his father gets sick. He decides to home school them instead, and the results are nothing like what he expected. Wish I Was Here, which was funded entirely via Kickstarter, also stars Kate Hudson, Joey King, Mandy Patinkin, and Josh Gad.
And, like a (d)evolution of his feature debut Garden State, this movie seems like it will pack in enough painfully hip, twee, aggressively artistic, and downright annoying elements to make you stand on an abandoned piece of heavy machinery and scream into a quarry. Here’s a roundup of all of these “ughhh” moments that we noticed in the Wish I Was Here trailer.
Opening on a Wall of Wig Heads
Okay, we get it, you’re artsy. Does this have anything to do with the film?
Affirmations of People Being “Unique and Awesome”
Everybody knows that the inspirational message is supposed to come at the end of the trailer, not the beginning. It’s film 101!
Carrying Around Money in a Plastic Jug
It’s annoying and unweildy. The people in line behind you at the store need to get on with their lives.
Everyone’s Dressed Like Superheroes
And not a single Batman, Spider-Man or Captain America is anywhere to be found.
Soundtrack by The Shins
You’re just making it easy for people to make fun of you now, Zach Braff. Think outside of the emotionally-driven indie rock box for a change.
If we don’t like it when J.J. Abrams does it, we probably won’t like it when you do it.
Everyone’s on Their Phone
Are those kids even old enough to own smart phones? And don’t they know it’s rude to play on your phone when you’re supposed to be watching a movie?
Zach Braff, Space Explorer
Wait, all of a sudden this is a sci-fi movie now? What happened to the quirky, indie thing you were doing three seconds ago?
Donald Faison Appears Briefly…
And everyone wishes they could be re-watching Scrubs instead. Remember the musical episode? Good times.
Glass Breaking, Fire, Screaming in Rapid Succession
We’re assuming it’s some kind of metaphor for inner turmoil.
So. Much. Genre-Bending.
There’s a period masquerade, a space adventure and a weepy tear-jerker, all in a midlife-crisis indie. How many movies are in this one movie? Is this Braff’s attempt to make Inception?
Soft-Lit Suburban Streets
Again, we get it, you’re artsy. You don’t need the fake fireflies to drive the message home. Less is more, Zach Braff.