Apple Is the World: Ashton Kutcher as Steve Jobs, the Founder’s Drug History & More

Steve JobsIf only we all had the foresight of Lieutenant Dan, we could be rolling in the dough right now. Apple Inc. has enjoyed an exemplary 36-year run, with an especially revitalizing past decade and change. Advancements in technology are now offering the world iOS6, an update of the company’s operating system that will allow for a more extensive array of apps and features.

But the Apple craze is not limited to the products it releases; Apple is a subculture. It envelops the identity of its users — artists, progressives, forward-thinkers, Justin Longs in a world of John Hodgmans. It covers all bases with its spokespeople: Siri alone has snagged the latest big thing, Zooey Deschanel; the perpetually pertinent Samuel L. Jackson; finally, a requisite for any sophisticate’s film collection, John Malkovich.

The company fosters a mass idolization of its founder, the late Steve Jobs, to the point where the public is eagerly awaiting two biopics (one starring Ashton Kutcher as Jobs, pictured on the next page). People simply cannot learn enough about the visionary.

In short, Apple is an unmitigated phenomenon, ensnaring everything and everyone of relevance. As such, anyone not on the Apple train just seems… out of touch*.

And I say that from the point of view of someone in that very category: I am not an Apple user. I own a Blackberry and a PC laptop. I’ve never owned an iPod, don’t have an iTunes account, and am didactically averse to the idea of touch screen. In other words, I am, and have always been, irrelevant. And it hasn’t been easy to maintain this kind of lifestyle.

While other members of my high school cross-country team enjoyed soundtracks courtesy of their convenient Shuffles and Nanos and whatever other subspecies of iPod existed, I was restricted to humming, as my discman (sporting a Kazaa-sponsored CD) was not a feasible passenger through runs on the back roads. I’ve endured countless viruses on my home computer while my Macbook Pro-wielding sister would gloat about “never having a problem,” (a phrase Apple users are trained to repeat as frequently as possible). More recently, my friends abandoned BBMs (for which I only opted because they refused to succumb to the archaic practice of texting) for iPhones. I now have nobody to BBM, except for my fifteen year-old cousin. Why are you messaging me, Bailey? You should be in school!

With iPads being distributed to office workers and Apple logos springing up in every film and TV show you watch, the company is a tremendous part of our society. Long story short, whether you’re in on the game or not, it’s hard to argue against the widespread frenzy that is Apple. The company, its products, its people, and its culture are the world right now.