There was a time when Ben Affleck existed as little more than a punchline to jokes about Hollywood hacks, thick Boston accents, and bad movies about lesbians not being lesbians anymore. But the days of Whofleck are long gone — we have argo now: the Oscar-winning, critically acclaimed, publicly admired film that is just enough reason for us to guiltlessly admit that, yeah, we always kind of liked that thick-haired goofball. But that doesn’t mean the most brazen bits of casting news will go without mockery — Affleck is confirmed to take the part of Batman (no, you haven’t had one too many lagers, that does say Batman) in the developing Man of Steel sequel.
So, Twitter fiends, rev the engines on whatever metaphorical device you’ve assigned with cranking out pithy remarks: this is a doozy. The news of Affleck playing opposite Henry Cavill in the upcoming film, straight from Warner Bros’ Facebook page, is likely to incite a degree of sarcastic riffs so biting that a particularly jaded Fail Whale should be hitting our computer screens at any moment. So which path will you take with your jokes? Matt Damon as Robin? (As if you wouldn’t love that.) The comparison of Gotham to Southie? (They’re both overrun with violent maniacs.) Something, anything about Casey Affleck? (How about a mockumentary about Bruce Wayne’s resurfacing after years in hiding titled I’m Still Hero? — I’m pretty pleased with that one, personally.)
But don’t waste your time reading our half-cocked attempts at DC Comedy. Take to the Internet, and make fun of this! You could be the hero that Twitter needs and deserves!