Decoding the ‘Anchorman 2’ Teaser Trailer: Is Ron Burgundy’s Hair Full of Secrets?

Anchorman 2 PosterThere’s nothing quite like being at the movies in the middle of the day on Wednesday. And there’s nothing like withstanding a barrage of penis jokes from everyone’s favorite ’70s newsmen before it even hits noon. That, in a nutshell, is what it was like to watch the long-awaited Anchorman: The Legend Continues teaser trailer that rolled in front of the day’s first screening of Sacha Baron Cohen’s The Dictator. Of course, we don’t all get excited over 30-second bits of films for nothing, so here’s what it was like in that theater when the lights went down. And if you aren’t a fan of said dirty jokes, just consider these contents NSFTB (not safe for total babies). 

First teaser of the pre-Dictator promotional slate: Four figures against a backdrop of blinking lights straight out of a Roxie Hart number. But wait! One of those figures has a cowboy hat! And one of them has a ’70s mullet! Could it be? Just then, we get that iconic shot: The one one from the matching Anchorman 2 teaser poster. That’s right: God-awful 1970s loafers. “This is it!” I say to no one, because who’s at the movies at 11:30 AM on a Wednesday? 
And slowly into the spotlight walk our most beloved misogynists: Champ Kind (David Koechner), Brian Fontana (Paul Rudd), Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell), and of course, Brick Tamland (Steve Carell). Then it gets weird and wonderful. Rudd gets to deliver the line so classy it belongs in San Diego: “It’s jean-creaming time.” Clearly over his love affair with Lamp, Brick struggles to come up with his own catchphrase, hilariously trying on other dirty phrases like “You’re gonna cream” and “This is gonna make you cream.” So, I suppose we could surmise this might be a good movie? 
And just in case we didn’t understand that Brian and Brick were not talking about Cool Whip, Ron Burgundy, jazz flute extraordinaire, clears things up for us: “Hey America. Isn’t this an old-fashioned shot to the nutsack?” And we’re back. Sure, it’s more disgusting than eating a whole wheel of cheese. But we’re not mad; that’s amazing. 
Are you already lathering on the Sex Panther in anticipation of this sexy journey to Anchorman 2-land in 2013? Will there be pirate hookers? Will Ron Burgundy choose milk once again? And more importantly, will it be a bad choice? 
Follow Kelsea on Twitter @KelseaStahler.