Which Top Secret Organization Do You Want to Work For?

Credit: Universal Pictures

You’re getting desperate. It’s already July and you have yet to snag a summer internship. All of your friends are scooping up spots at magazines, marketing firms, back-alley waste management organizations. But not you — and at this point, you’ll take anything. You’ll change career paths, work the night shift, even sell out your basic tenets of human decency or put your life at risk… it’s the only way to get ahead, really.

Luckily, there are a few “esteemed” companies that value this sort of dedication. You just haven’t seen them advertising open positions due to the fact that they’re, in a word, top secret. Take the Anti-Villain League from Despicable Me 2, for instance. When the impressive organization recruited reformed baddie Gru in the newly released sequel, we got a chance to see everything it had to offer new employees. But it’s not the only opportunity for aspiring heroes. (And to all you aspiring villains, fear not! You have options, too.) Peruse the job listings below, you might find something that suits your fancy… or at least funds that three-act play you just know is going to take off.

The Anti-Villain League (from Despicable Me 2)
Salary: Enough to support a family of minions.
Your boss: May be a little uppity, but it’s only because of all the grief he gets from his name (you’ve got to admit, Ramsbottom isn’t exactly an easy brand to carry).
Commute: It’s a bit hard to reach, being underwater and all, but one of the agents will happily knock you unconscious, shove you in her trunk, and drive you there hereself.
Fringe benefits: All the lipstick tasers you can carry.

S.H.I.E.L.D. (from the Marvel Universe)
Salary: Those suits ain’t cheap.
Your boss: Might yell a lot (a lot), but he’s always got the maintenance of justice in mind.
Commute: Easily accessible in midtown Manhattan. Just look for the inconspicuous barbershop!
Fringe Benefits: You get to hang out with superheroes.

Credit: Zade Rosenthal/Marvel Studios

IMF (from the Mission: Impossible franchise)
Salary: Those Church of Scientology membership fees ain’t cheap…
Your boss: Could be John Voight, Laurence Fishburne, or whoever they grab for the next one.
Commute: … Where is this place located, anyway?
Fringe benefits: World travel! Sight-seeing! Near death experiences galore!

U.N.C.L.E. (from The Man from U.N.C.L.E.)
Salary: They’re still operating on Cold War-era money, so you might need a night job waiting tables just to make rent…
Your boss: If people keep dropping out of the new movie, you might be able to take over in a month or two.
Commute: Another resident of Manhattan; maybe you can take the subway with your pals who earned the S.H.I.E.L.D. gig (sorry, but they do have more experience with Excel…).
Fringe benefits: Badass names like Napoleon Solo come with the position.

Salary: All the cat food your white Persian can scarf down.
Your boss: An evil lunatic bent on world domination. But he’s kind of charming.
Commute: Yeah, it’s a pain getting into the volcano lair, but at least there’s no traffic.
Fringe benefits: In all honesty, you’ll probably be karate chopped to death by James Bond in your first week. You might want to avoid this one. 

Follow Michael Arbeiter on Twitter @MichaelArbeiter | Follow hollywood.com on Twitter @hollywood_com

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