‘Divergent’ Threequel Will Be Split into 2 Movies

DivergentSummit Entertainment via Everett Collection

Like The Hunger Games and Twilight, the Divergent series has just opted to jump on the YA bandwagon of splitting its final chapter in half. The upcoming adaptation of Veronica Roth’s Allegiant, the third part of her wildly successful Divergent book series, will take form in two separate films. So what can we look forward to? An inert first film that’s all build-up and exposition! One that ends abruptly and without payoff! And yes, a year-long wait before the second, largely unnecessary film that’s going to be all climax! We’re especially looking for to the awkwardly titled The Divergent Series Presents: Allegiant — Part 2 of 2: Based on the Novel Allegiant by Rothphire, or whatever gangly franken-title the studio comes up with, stapled together with enough semicolons to hospitalize a grammar teacher.

Frankly, We’re tired of it. For all its good will, the Harry Potter series set a dangerous precedent. Now every YA adaptation under the sun just absolutely needs that two part finale to fill out the release calendar with one more film. There’s tickets to sell after all. While it may have been a good idea to split the Deathly Hallows, the sprawling final chapter of J.K Rowling’s wizarding Saga, into two films (and since it was a novel concept at the time, it gets a pass), not every last book needs to be turned into two sequels. The last Harry Potter book was an 800-page behemoth that had to tie off dozens of dangling threads and loose ends sewn in by six previous novels. The final chapters of both Divergent and The Hunger Games don’t need two films to end their stories. Just think of what all of your favorite film trilogies would look like if that last part were suddenly cut into two flicks:

The Return of the Jedi
What if Return of the Jedi was chugging along smoothly, the rebels just formulated a plan to take out The second Death Star, the Ewoks saddled up to defend their home, and Luke unsheathes his lightsaber for one final battle against Darth Vader, the green beam of light pierces through the air and… BAM, fade to black, see you in ’84 for a two-hour yubnub.

The Dark Knight Rises
Batman finally escapes the sink hole of a prison in the desert. He travels to Gotham to face off against Bane in a climactic battle for Gotham’s soul. The two rush in for battle with their armies at their backs and… what? you wanted resolution? Sorry, you’ll have to wait until 2013 to find out that Marion Cotillard is the bad guy.

Spider-Man  3
What if after Peter Parker finally strips the Venom Symbiote off of his body, and the sludge falls on Eddie Brock, the credits start rolling right before Brock turns into Venom? To be honest, it wouldn’t be that much worse than the movie we got… 

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Picture this: the last true Indy adventure severed in two right before Prof. Jones took the leap of faith? A big “To Be Continued” flashed on screen before the film’s theme started blaring thoughout the theater. “Come back next year to see if Indy survived the jump!” No, I don’t think I will.

Toy Story 3
Imagine if Toy Story 3 had cut out while Woody, Buzz, Jessie, and the others were still trapped in Ned Bearty’s day care center, forcing now grown Pixar fans to stew in bitter resentment before the nostalgia really hit home upon Andy’s goodbye to his best pal? Pure torture.

The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

What if while Frodo and Sam are right on the edge of the lava pit in Mount Doom, The film cuts just as we see Frodo about to drop the ring into the molten abyss? Why recieve closure now, when you can get it later? Don’t worry, Peter Jackson has you covered.

Back to the Future III
Any more time spent in the Old West with Marty and Doc would be considered a crime against humanity.