Assessing the Coolness of Everything That Happens in the ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ Trailer

This new trailer for Guardians of the Galaxy has hit the web and it, as one might have expected or hoped, is cool. Cool in entirety. Cool incarnate. Every single thing about it is cool. Want proof? Watch it. Want further proof, you maniac? Check out our rundown of every single thing that happens in the trailer and linked assessment of whether each element is, in fact, cool.

Establishing shot of a gloomy, destitute temple: That is cool.

Peter Quill’s (Chris Pratt) disappearing electronic mask-helmet: That is cool.

Peter Quill’s jet-powered boots flying him out of danger through a hole in the wall: That is cool.

Norman Greenbaum’s “Spirit in the Sky”: That is cool.

A giant spaceship: That is cool.

A Mos Eisley-like hub for alien menaces: That is cool.

Hovering robots staring down a shirtless Peter Quill: That is cool.

Peter Quill juggling what is likely some kind of spherical robotic entity or explosive devise: That is cool.

Rocket Raccoon (Bradley Cooper) and Groot (Vin Diesel), doing their thing (thang?): That is cool (kewl?).

Gamora (Zoe Saldana) slicing and dicing: That is cool.

Drax the Destroyer (Dave Bautista) head-butting somebody: That is cool.

The personification of evil taking form in a dark, stoically seated figure: That is cool.

An ominous hand crushing an orb of power: That is cool.

Guardians of the Galaxy, Chris PrattMarvel Studios

Peter Quill’s rallying underdog speech: That is cool.

“This August” title card: That is cool.

Aerial shot of a futuristic military base: That is cool.

Everybody walking around on a stone circle reminiscent of something out of Legend of Zelda: That is cool.

Glenn Close’s haircut: That is cool.

The expositional establishment of the stakes in this movie: That is cool.

Explosive debris raining down from a gigantic ship: That is cool.

A door shaped like a circle: That is cool.

Bradley Cooper’s Will Arnett impression: That is cool.

Rocket Raccoon and Groot losing their s**t: That is cool.

Gamora losing her s**t: That is cool.

A shot of the gang in prison jump suits: That is cool.

Peter Serafinowicz cowering: That is cool.

Peter Quill losing his s**t: That is cool.

A giant skull: That is cool.

Guardians of the Galaxy, Zoe SaldanaMarvel Studios

Peter Quill’s awed gasp syncing up with the rhythm of “Spirit in the Sky”: That is cool.

Body slam!: That is cool.

Explosion: That is cool.

Drax the Destroyer’s knife-wielding shot: That is cool.

A haze of fire droplets that resemble Navi from Legend of Zelda: That is cool.

Ships zooming through an electric field: That is cool.

Peter Quill’s speech continues: That is cool.

Groot giving a little girl a flower: That is cool.

Peter Quill and Gamora watching each other undress: That is cool as long as they’re both okay with it.

Rocket Raccoon’s quip about his species’ lifespan: That is cool.

Drax the Destroyer losing his s**t: That is cool.

Gamora screaming into the face of a creature that resembles a Na’vi… not from Legend of Zelda, from Avatar, in which Saldana actually played a Na’vi, which is maybe why I’m making such a gratuitous jump to that connotation when, really, the creature doesn’t look all that much like a Na’vi: That is cool.

Robot laser: That is cool.

Various explosions, shots of anthropomorphic neighborhood pests yelling: That is cool.

Strangling: That is cool.

Guardians of the Galaxy, RacoonMarvel Studios

Benicio Del Toro doing that thing that Ross and Monica did to discretely flip off their parents: That is cool.

Gamora and Peter Quill near-kissing while she wears his headphones: That is cool.

Drax the Destroyer conducting an orchestra of mayhem: That is cool.

Groot: That is cool.

A windstorm of peril: That is cool.

Zoe Saldana’s hand: That is cool.

The hulking device into which Peter Quill’s audio cassette tape is hooked: That is cool.

“Hooked on a Feeling” by Blue Swede: That is cool, but I was enjoying “Spirit in the Sky.”

Peter Quill’s solo march: That is cool.

Gamora’s semi-solo march: That is cool.

Drax the Destroyer cocking his head a little, as if to insinuate himself a bit more subtly than did his peers, which is ironic since he is perhaps the least subtle in physical form and personal nature of the gang: That is cool.

Groot’s nifty shoulder trick: That is cool.

Groot saying, “I am Groot”: That is cool. I really like Groot.

Rocket Raccoon showcasing his self-esteem in a maxim of circular logic: That is cool.

Rocket Raccoon adjusting his crotch: That is cool, I guess.

The gang’s prideful march: That is cool.

John C. Reilly introducing the name of the movie: That is cool.

John C. Reilly lamenting his lot in life, and the fate of the universe altogether: That is cool.

More prideful marching: That is cool.

Rocket Raccoon yelling: That is cool.

This movie looks cool.

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