Let’s Face It: Arnold and Sly Can’t Carry Movies Anymore

Escape PlanSummit Entertainment, LLC

Escape Plan, the movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone, remained stuck in prison, only raking in a measly $9.8 million in its opening weekend. Both actors probably used that for a weekend getaway in their heyday. But now, it just seems to show that the moviegoing public has had enough of these two former legends.

Let’s face it: both Stallone and Schwarzenegger are in their mid-60s and we seem to be asking ourselves if we want to see these guys pummel each other and run around trying to be action heroes. If we wanted to watch old guys duel, we’d pop Grumpy Old Men into our DVD player. Chances would be higher of one of those guys possibly hurting themselves trying to throw a punch than actually landing one. Actually, both guys are in good enough shape to break my face with one punch, so let’s just forget I said that…

Sure, Stallone can still get people to see movies that he’s in, but only if he’s playing the part of someone he first made much more iconic when he was younger: Rocky Balboa and John Rambo. I don’t think he’ll be bringing Cobra out of retirement or making Demolition Man II, though. Arnie looks like he might be going to not just one well (Terminator and Conan), but will be in the Twins sequel as well (Triplets). In that case, some might argue that Danny DeVito is more famous now because of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

The two of them are actually much better in ensemble movies, which is why everyone loves The Expendables franchise. They should get more comfortable in doing things like that, because the 1980s and ’90s are long, long gone (which the gray hair on my head attests). But both of them have enormous egos and we may even see another Rocky and Conan movie decades from now: Rocky and Conan in Their Nursing Homes.

We’d rather see them blend into other movies instead of fading away from the failure to accept what is happening to them.