Get ready for another movie based on toys. Yes, toys. Who’d have thought the things we played with as children would ever make for such fine fodder for idea-deprived scriptwriters? Thank God there’s nothing on the docket for matches (for all those not-so-well-behaved kids out there, including this writer while growing up) but I digress.
From Transformers to G.I. Joe to even Battleship, seems nothing is too far-fetched for an toys-into-movie idea these days, particularly with word that acclaimed second-unit director Simon Crane has been named director of a movie based on Hot Wheels. Just the thought of such a generic toy proving cinematic makes one wonder – is there any toy too far-fetched for a film adaptation? Take a trip back in time with Hollywood.com and imagine if these classic toys turned into Tinseltown features.
An evil wizard casts an unsuspecting dot into a vast abyss, where every movement is controlled by mystical dials located outside “the realm.” Can the dot survive this torturous (and traceable) adventure? Can anyone defeat the wizard? Can anyone possibly learn to draw anything on this contraption besides a square?! Find out in Etch-A-Sketch: The Movie!
A family is trapped in the woods without shelter. Can they survive the harsh, fast-approaching winter? Luckily, they discover nearby row-upon-row of interlocking wood pieces (or plastic, depending on when the writer sets this would-be classic) that connect simply and easily. Cabin in an instant! A feel-good flick just waiting to happen.
In a not-so-distant future, war has divided the human race is into colors – but also into chaos, as mysterious revolutions create constant upheaval in this strange, new world. White ravages red; blue battles orange; green goes against yellow (until the next turn of the cube). Will this thriller end in uniformity – or by being thrown on the floor in frustration?
An evil wizard casts an unsuspecting dot into a vast abyss . . . oh, wait. I used that one. How ‘bout – An evil wizard casts an unsuspecting couple into a 3D abyss?! Yes! Experience the thrills three-times over in View Master! Feel the spray of Niagara Falls! See for yourself the depths of the Grand Canyon! Find out what happens when you leave a disc too close to the light!! See it for the first time – thrice!
Here’s one that’s actually plausible, if doubtful (based upon recent reports). A toy held in highest regard for those that grew up in the ’80s meets a movie based on someone that stretches (not to mention is completely super cool). Seems a natural CGI sensation waiting to happen, particularly if pitted against the even-cooler Stretch Monster. Alas, seems this one will stay sadly on the shelves until further notice.