Bridget Jones once said, “I suddenly realised that unless something changed soon I was going to live a life where my major relationship was with a bottle of wine… and I’d finally die, fat and alone, and be found three weeks later half-eaten by alsatians. Or I was about to turn into Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.” As someone perpetually spending date night with nothing but a bottle of wine, this quote hits close to home. Instead of running from it this Valentine’s Day, I’ve decided to embrace it. Here’s how you can, too:
1. Buy a bottle of wine.*
*Quantity varies depending on the individual; some may need more than just one. We are not here to judge.
2. Figure out which Valentine’s Day movie is right for you.
(500) Days of Summer
For those looking for a bit of whimsy with their despair.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
For those wanting to completely erase a recent and painful relationship from their minds.
The Way We Were
For those at peace with their failed relationship, but who still like to think back on how things used to be.
For those looking for proof that relationships don’t work.
Lost in Translation
For those looking for to bask in the emptiness that only Sofia Coppola could bring.
For those looking for a bit of a screwed-up story filled with deceit and raunchiness.
For those planning to cook lobster for one, or who want a laugh instead of a wallowing, revenge-filled night.
For those looking for an action-packed instead of a pity-partied night of revenge. Or for those who want to feel a little better about their own baby daddy issues.
For those looking for proof that all relationships not only don’t work, but are also secretly dysfunctional, psychotic messes.
For those who just no longer give a hoot. If you need to watch this movie on Valentine’s Day, we won’t judge you. Get all the crazy out of your system before it’s too late.
3. Enjoy. And remember, Valentine’s Day is a bull shit holiday anyway. And you’re fabulous, just as you are.