I Am Number Four Review

May 24, 2011 | 9:13am EDT

I Am Number Four Blu-rayWhen Steven Spielberg has a big-budget sci-fi/action project in queue but can’t find the time to direct it he calls Michael Bay. When Michael Bay has a big-budget sci-fi/action project from Spielberg in queue that he can’t find time to direct he calls D.J. Caruso. That’s how I Am Number Four came into being so you can imagine how watered-down its potency is but what you probably wouldn’t be able to fathom in a million years is just how bad it actually turned out.

Alex Pettyfer Dianna Agron Timothy Olyphant and Teresa Palmer star in this farce about eight extraterrestrials driven from their home by and on the interplanetary run from the Mogadorians a rival race of aliens who want to eradicate them. That’s basically all you need to know about the story. Good guys win bad guys lose. The rest of the film steals from as many modern pop-culture staples as it can from Glee and Twilight to Superman and the Fantastic Four.

When I say this film is unwatchable I’m not exaggerating. It’s quite possibly the most boring picture I’ve ever seen and on top of lacking a pulse and interesting characters it hinges on the performances of young actors who clearly have no idea what to do in a movie like this. Pettyfer was being hailed as Hollywood’s next big thing but if this flick is any indication of his talent his fifteen minutes will be over really soon. Agron is a mannequin who’s best viewed as a model while Palmer the one of the three who actually has displayed talent in the past isn’t given a big enough role to have any real effect on the film.

Of course the shiny lights that emanate from Pettyfer’s hands look pretty as do some of the other special effects thanks to the 1080p HD presentation. But I bet you figured they would. These kinds of movies always look great utilizing the format; it’s just a shame that the content doesn’t make the grade. And with so few bonus features (the package sports only a blooper reel a tiny featurette focusing on Palmer’s Number Six a few deleted scenes and a digital copy of the film) I Am Number Four’s home entertainment release is simply laughable.

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