When you think of American virgins immediately you think of the ones you want to have sex with, like athletes Tim Tebow or Lolo Jones. Those are not real virgins. Well, they’re really virgins, but they’re not the sad, unloved losers that decide their one shot to get laid is on TLC’s returning show Virgin Diaries. Those are virgins like Skippy.
Skippy is a 34-year-old who lives in his parent’s basement. He is Mormon, overweight, socially awkward, and not what one would call conventionally attractive. This is the real virgin in America, so stereotypical to almost seem like some sort of perfect construct concocted for a reality show. But here he is, complete with his silly shirts with slogans on them about how a nice lady should make out with him. Just like everyone gaped and chuckled back in December when the show premiered and TLC gave us this pair of virgins attempted to kiss and looked instead like a momma bird feeding its baby.
While there is something comic about Skippy, I have a hard time laughing at him. Just because I’m a sex-ravaged pervert doesn’t mean that I’m an better than him. And it’s sad that we should be the same age and he should never once have engaged in an activity that is so much fun. Instead of pitching together our money for a bullied bus driver to go to Disney World, maybe we should all chip in and get Skippy a hooker. That way he can take himself off the virgin list and concentrate on doing something else with his life (like trying to make enough money to buy more whores). Since he enlisted in embarrassing himself in public for this show, he’d probably even let us film it and put it on HBO’s brothel reality series Cathouse! Everyone wins.
But no, everyone will tune in smugly on July 18 to watch another episode of this tragic, tragic show. And we’ll learn how that kissing couple makes out today. They better have been practicing.
