Red band trailers, the ones that are too risque to show to all audiences and don’t have that familiar green screen before them, are all the rage in Hollywood these days. They can be more violent, have swears, and show things you can’t share in the normal green trailers (that are for sissies anyway). Like what kinds of things can they show? Like boobs!
Yes, there are boobs in the red band trailer for delayed bootlegger drama Lawless (no relation to Lucy) which opens next Wednesday, August 29. There is plenty of violence and sex in the trailer, but no one is going to be talking about that on YouTube. No, they will be talking about boobs. And there are two boobs! Actually, there are two different sets of boobs, so that means four (count ’em, four) boobs!
The first set of boobs is about 55 seconds into the trailer, but they are sad crying boobs. They are depressed boobs, so you may not like them. Then, at 1:37 in the trailer, there are scared running boobs. These are better than crying boobs, mostly because they swing and flap around a lot. Who doesn’t like running boobs? Then, at 1:43 there are Jessica Chastain‘s almost boobs, which practically promise the real thing if you shell you your $14 to see the movie. That means you’re guaranteed like six boobs! That’s only $2.33 a boob, unless there are more boobs and then you’ll have even more savings.
That means you should totally go see this movie. Sure you’ll have to suffer noted indie actor Shia LaBeouf‘s awful accent, but what price is that for boobs? Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan