The World Series is now underway, having kicked off Wednesday night with its first faceoff between the Detroit Tigers and the San Francisco Giants. And while baseball is all well and good, this budding rivalry revives an even more pressing question: which is better — tigers or giants? The Giants proved victorious last night, but who is more likely to reign supreme outside the realm of baseball?
For generations, humankind has grappled with this seemingly unanswerable query. Does superiority manifest in the striped feline beasts of the Asian mangroves or the mythical supersized men of beanstalk-topped kingdoms and other fantastical locale? It’s been thus far impossible to determine. But luckily, in the vein of our politically charged Elephants Vs. Donkeys and Pizza Vs. Burritos debates, we have chosen some of the most worthy representatives of each category throughout the history of pop culture and pinned them against one another.
Weigh in on the age-old battle below.
THE DISNEY PLAYOFFS: Rajah Vs. Willie the Giant
Pitching for the Tigers: Rajah, the faithful sidekick of Princess Jasmine in Aladdin
Stats: He’s got loyalty, proclivity to transform into noteworthy mice for single frames at a time, and an acute understanding of human voice cues
Pitching for the Giants: Willie the Giant from Fun & Fancy Free
Stats: He’s especially confident, musically inclined, and has (nearly) complete control of the magic words
Snagging the victory for this one is certainly Rajah, a more beloved and memorable export of the Disney family than many of his vocal cohorts, the vociferous giant included.
THE CHILDHOOD LITERATURE PLAOFFS: Shere Khan Vs. The BFG
Catching for the Tigers: Shere Khan, the nefarious villain from Rudyard Kipling’s The Jungle Book
Stats: He’s evil, cunning, wry, deceptive, and the most feared creature in all the land
Catching for the Giants: The BFG (Big Friendly Giant), created by the unparalleled children’s novelist Roald Dahl
Stats: He’s tall, goofy, large of ears, and speaks with a babbling slang. All in the most lovable way imaginable.
The Giants take this one for sure, if only for the simple fact that the BFG is (unsurprisingly) friendly, as opposed to Shere Khan’s evildom.
THE MASCOT PLAYOFFS: Tony the Tiger Vs. The Jolly Green Giant
Batting for the Tigers: Tony the Tiger, spokesfeline for Frosted Flakes
Stats: Dude’s grrrreat!
Batting for the Giants: The Jolly Green Giant, representative of the Green Giant canned vegetables company
Stats: An unconditional euphoria, especially in the presence of Earth-grown edibles
Another win for the Tigers — Tony maintains an iconic presence in childhood commerce; Jolly Green hasn’t been noteworthy for some time.
THE ROBOTIC PLAYOFFS: Tigatron Vs. The Iron Giant
First Base for the Tigers: Beast Wars soldier Tigatron
Stats: A deep connection to the Earth and a penchant for skillful programming
First Base for the Giants: The titular mechanical monster from The Iron Giant
Stats: The government might be after him, but he’s got a heartwarming friendship (and the voice of Vin Diesel) on his side.
Sorry, Transformers fans… but you go watch The Iron Giant and try to say that you can hold back the floodgates of tears. Can’t be done.
THE NAUTICAL PLAYOFFS: Tiger Sharks Vs. Giant Squids
Left Field for the Tigers: Galeocerdo cuvier, a.k.a. the tiger shark
Stats: True, it’ll die if it ever stops swimming, but these guys and their brethren are deadly enough to warrant a Spielberg classic and an entire week on the Discovery Channel every summer.
Left Field for the Giants: The gigantic member of the genus Architeuthis
Stats: The Giant Squid is a deep sea ocean dweller that few have seen but many have feared, earning form in many a society’s most treacherous mythology (including Nintendo).
Easy pick: the Giants’ own tentacled fielder. The only known natural predator of the sharks. Don’t mess.
THE REAL PEOPLE PLAYOFFS: Tiger Woods Vs. Andre the Giant
Shortstop for the Tigers: Tiger Woods
Stats: His sex scandal notoriety eventually usurped his athletic prowess, so that should say something.
Shortstop for the Giants: André “The Giant” Roussimoff
Stats: He offered the peanut, but he gave us the world.
Another win for the Giants. We love you, Fezzik.
THE PLAYOFFS OF THE FUTURE: Richard Parker Vs. Raine McCormack
Second Base for the Tigers: The Life of Pi‘s tiger, Richard Parker
Stats: From the looks of the clips and trailers, he’s got some potential (for a CGIger).
Second Base for the Giants: The yet unseen giant in Jack the Giant Slayer
Stats: Yet unseen!
The Tigers take this one, if only because we’ve actually seen Richard Parker. What are you hiding, Jack?
And so, it seems as though the Giants win out, four to three. Thus ends the age old battle… but will this determine the outcome of this year’s World Series?
… Yes. Definitely. Put money on it.
[Photo Credit: Walt Disney; 20th Century Fox]
More:
So Ann Coulter Made You Angry: Why Ranting About It Doesn’t Help
Mock the Vote: Things We Learned From the Debates
Andy Cohen and Jill Zarin at War Over “Secret Recording”?
From Our Partners:
A Complete History Of Twerking (1993-2013) (Vh1)
15 Stars Share Secrets of their Sex Lives (Celebuzz)
