This week’s episode of Glee was like a scoop of vanilla ice cream. It was sweet, satisfying, and definitely made my night a lot more enjoyable, but it wasn’t fully amazing. I’m not sure if it was missing the chocolate covered smackdown of a Santana and Quinn v. Brody faceoff, or a sprinkle more of Emma Pillsbury, but it definitely left me wanting more. Read on for everything you may have missed in “Naked” and then hit the comments below with your thoughts on the episode!
So Here’s What You Missed on Glee:
Return to Regionals! The episode opens and we see Hunter Clarington being bombarded with press discussing his recent cheating scandal with the Dalton Warblers. Looks like round face Warbler indeed decided to confess to their roid-ridden sectionals performance and now the New Directions are headed to Regionals! Over in the choir room, Finn is looking especially cute in his tight sweater/collared shirt combo as he congratulates Blaine and Sam for revealing the seedy underbelly of Dalton Academy and thus earning them a trip to Indianapolis. Which according to Artie is the “Paris of Indiana.”. Finn announces that they still need to raise $400 for the bus to regionals is then quickly shot down when he suggests a bake sale. (Side-Note: Aww, season one flashbacks!) Tina then once again channels her inner-Rachel and confidently announces her plan to raise money: A Men of McKinley Calendar! “Let’s face it, this is the cutest crop of Glee boys we’ve ever had.” (Side-Note: Gasp! You bite your tongue you little tart! I seem to remember your former beau used to have a pretty amazing bod. This group of boys is particularly cute sure, but let’s take into account the fact that Jake and Ryder have baby faces.)
Over in Figgins’ office, Brittany and Sam are being told that the two of them have received the highest and lowest scores ever recorded at McKinley. Sam is confident that he’s a “secret genius” and Figgins announces that Brittany received a near-perfect score. Clearly baffled Sam asks, “Wait, what? How?” (Side-Note: You’ve got to be freaking kidding me?! Sam is supposed to be Brittany’s boyfriend. Someone who is supportive and believes in the fact that Brittany is the closest thing to a unicorn that this earth will ever see. Does anyone else remember when Brittany was devastated when Artie accidently called her “stupid”? All I’m saying is Santana would’ve sung Brittany a song and rewarded her with some sweet lady kisses, not look dumbfounded at her test-taking skills.) Sam looks devastated but Brittany reminds him that he has a killer bod and he could definitely be a greeter at Abercrombie’s corporate headquarters.
Over near the lockers, Tina is still drooling over Blaine like a pathetic little puppy when Sam struts down the hallway in nothing but a pair of swim trunks. Blaine does his best to tap into his sympathetic friend mode even though it’s clear that he’s 19-kinds of turned on. “Are you sure you’re not overcompensating a little?” Sam dismisses Blaine’s concerns and invites him to his seminar later that afternoon. “It’s a one-hour course entitled ‘Modern Centerfold: Techniques That Work for Today’s Hot New Posers.’” Some of Sam’s brilliant tips include, Broga (yoga for bros), shaving your chest and back, and “packing a little extra” with baby socks. The Men of McKinley break into a mashup of “Centerfold/Hot in Herre” and perform a very season one-esque workout routine with the cheerios.
Calendars and Centerfolds: In the teacher’s lounge, Sue approaches Finn and once again says that she’s opposed to their idea to raise money for nationals. What a shocker. (Side-Note: I’m sorry but I can’t begin to tell you how sick I am of seeing episode after episode where Coach Sue tries to take down the glee club. Don’t you have better things to do now? Don’t you have a child to look after? It’s time for a new threat in McKinley.) Sue says the calendars are like high school pornorgraphy and Finn retorts, “Sue Sylvester you can suck a hot one because you are a hypocrite.” Apparently Sue posed nakey for Penthouse Magazine back in the day and Finn says that he’s going to find it so she can’t stop the New Direction’s calendar. (Side-Note: Did anyone else just get extremely uncomfortable when Finn said “suck a hot one”? Their whole interaction just made me a little nauseous.) Finn asks Artie to search through years and years of vintage porn to find Sue’s centerfold and Artie tells Finn that he’s not comfortable posing for the calendar. “It’s not just girls who have body issues, sometimes guys aren’t cool with showing off their bodies either.”
On the day of the calendar shoot, Tina is foaming at the mouth and then men of McKinley are looking particularly scrumptious in their holiday themed outfits. However it’s clear that Sam is taking this far more seriously than everyone else. Blaine confronts his friend saying, “This is not who you are Sam. You’d not some body-obsessed muscle head!” Sam breaks down with tears in his eyes explaining that he feels like his good physique is the only thing that makes him special. Blaine is quick to counter his crush telling him, “Let it go. Have a burger every now and then, eat a bag of Cheetos, skip a workout, sleep in a little. You’re body isn’t going to change and even if you have 7% percent body fat you’re going to see that all of us still love you and we’re going to laugh at your impressions.”
Holy crap it’s Emma! (Side-Note: Squeeeeeeeee!) Blaine asked Ms. Pillsbury to help Sam find a path to college that doesn’t necessarily require SAT scores. Emma also reminds Sam that there are countless of scholarships that will help him pay his way through school, all he needs is a personal essay about his accomplishments. Sam once again sells himself short saying, “Like what? Like my abs and my fish lips?" (Side-Note: Aww Sam. Don't forget that you're a good person with an endless supply of promise rings too!)
Back in the teacher's lounge, Finn presents Sue with an envelope and tells her that he found her dirty magazine. Sue looks genuinely impressed saying she thought she bought all the copies, and even admits that she’s not ashamed of her centerfold. However when Sue went to take a peek at her lady bits, she say that the magazine inside was actually Highlights. (Side-note: Holy crap! I loved those magazines! The hidden picture search was always my particularly favorite part.) Sue looks baffled for a second but then Finn reveals that he even though he couldn’t find her publication, he was able to record her entire confession. Clearly impressed with his own technological skills, Finn saunters out of the teacher’s lounge looking like a boss.
Newbie Lovin: Brittany asks Marley what she’s doing after school that day and all of the sudden, before we can even process the amazingness, the music begins: Fondue for Two!!! (Side-Note: It’s like the Glee gods heard my cries about awkward college show choir hipsters and lack of Wemma so they’re rewarding me with this incredible little gem. Thank you!) Brittany introduces Marley as the girl who ruined sectionals and reveals that the sophomore also enjoys reading The Hunger Games. (Side-Note: I volunteer as tribute to be the next guest on Fondue for Two!) After Marley reveals that Lord Tubbington has a gambling problem and nearly burns herself on boiling hot cheese, Brittany gets right down to it: “Please admit to my viewing audience that you are in love with Jake.” Brittany tells Marley that since Jake is willing to bear it all in the calendar, she should follow in his steps and bear her feelings. While Marley ponders that information she looks like she’s going to hurl. (Side-Note: Please don’t’. That was a stellar rendition of Fondue For Two however I’ve got to admit that I was severely distracted by Brittany’s outfit. We’ve seen her in cute normal clothes outside of her cheerios uniform so can someone please explain to me why she’s wearing a two-toned Peter Pan collared shirt with that awkward gray sweater? Not at fan.)
Jake meets Marley in the auditorium and agrees to help her pick out songs for Regionals because after her whole passing-out-on-stage disaster, she’s got a lot to make up for. McKinley’s most adorable couple then breaks into a gorgeous version of “A Thousand Years” and all of the Twihard/Gleek combo fandom fans then pass out from delight because their two worlds have collided. (Side-Note: Um, yes that would include me.) The song ends and the two share an oh-so sweet kiss. Jake tells his lady, “There’s something you want to tell me, I can tell,” but Marley just stammers out “I love… this song." (Side-Note: Are they really already in “I love you” territory? Didn’t they just become official last week? Oh wait, what I am thinking? This is high school! Okay proceed with your instantaneous love!)
Jake and Ryder are sharing a very brolicious work-out sesh together when Tina and Kitty enter the boy’s locker room to assign them their sexy months. (Side-Note: I’m sorry but Tina and Kitty seem like two dogs in heat. Calm down ladies, no guy has ever wanted to be with a girl who is consistently salivating at the mouth and has to wipe the drool away from her shirt every five minutes. Take a cold shower and chill because your ovaries are clearly on overdrive.) Jake tells his bestie that ever since he’s been seeing Marley, he doesn’t even notice any other girl. So Ryder encourages his bro to be the first one to tell her I love you. “Chicks dig hot guys who are willing to get naked for calendars but what they’re really looking for is a guy who will get naked emotionally.” Jake takes the advice and in the choir room he sings an incredibly beautiful and stripped down version of “Let Me Love You.” (Side-Note: Holy crap. I have no words. My friend is indeed a talented fella.)
NEXT: New York Nakedness