Jason Segel's Exercise Routine: Late Last Night
Jay Leno is finally back at work, everyone! What do you think he did in his inexplicably long vacation while the rest of us were working? How many cars did he fix? How many denim shirts did he wash? How many needles did he stick into his Conan voodoo doll? While you’re coming up with your answers, watch this clip of Jason Segel (nude enthusiast and Despicable Me star) talking about his exercise rituals. If you don’t already belong to a gym, you might consider doing as he does and play fetch with yourself.
Jay also talked to my second favorite person in the universe (next to Brian Williams obviously), Jenni “J-Woww” from Jersey Shore. She talked about the first jobs she had and how she crashed her first car. Hint: she didn’t drive into a juicehead.
Jon Stewart talked to economist Nouriel Roubini and asked him if he agreed with Nancy Pelosi’s statement about how unemployment benefits will stimulate the economy. It seems like it would -- the same way making your kid vacuum the living room every single day will make him resent you.
And Lewis Black talked to us about all the recalled drugs and foods recently. Spaghettios? Toss ‘em, your tongue will fall off if you put just a few o’s on it. Marie Callender meals? Lose ‘em because not only are you NOT IN COLLEGE anymore, but they’re full of salmonella. And don’t get me started about glass cups from McDonald’s – they’re poisoned with cadmium! Tylenol? It smells like the inside of calf barn! So what are we to make of all these companies that are forgetting how to make their products?
Stephen Colbert is no longer sick, which means he suited up, clipped a sound amplifier onto his tie, sat at his desk like a big boy and talked about what we’re missing on all the soap operas while we’re at work. It was almost enough to make me want to lick the underside of my desk so I’d get to stay home sick tomorrow and watch more fathers shoot their sons.
And before the weekend, we should all send money to Texas because they can’t afford new textbooks there. Perhaps, instead of parting with our own hard earned dollars for the sake of little Texan children we should take some of Loyola Law School’s money, where students’ grades are being inflated to make them stand out in the job market.