Damnit, Regis Philbin. And we thought you were perfect. But word comes today from the trusty National Enquirer that the "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" guy had a long-term affair with a cheerleading instructor from his alma mater, Notre Dame.
The floozy, er, mistress, Maria Majerek, 39, reveals all in her diaries, which she gave (for a nice sum, no doubt) to the tab. The Enquirer dutifully published excerpts from Majerek's lover log in its new issue, with scintillating text such as "Regis had me strip naked and put my fur coat back on. We made love. It was pure, raw, raging sex."
The alleged trysts between the TV maven and the ra-ra chick occurred over a three-year period during the early 1990s, unknown either to Reege's wife Joy or Majerek's husband.
Well, now they know.
And for those of us who want to know, here's the Tabloid Top 10 for the week of Aug. 15-21:
1. "I Was Arrested for Snoring on a Bus" (Enquirer, p. 19) And from the looks of it, hefty Philip Banks of Covina, Calif., probably made so much noise that he deserved to be hauled off to the pokey. He'll be in court Aug. 28 on charges of disturbing the peace.
2. "World's Biggest Bunny" (Enquirer, p. 18) Aaaaaaagh! A giant rabbit! Run! Run!
3. "Shot in the Head and Left for Dead -- But He Lives!" (Enquirer, p. 38) Ick! A guy with a bullet hole in his neck!
4. "Lard-Tail Ladies Rejoice!" (Weekly World News, p. 31) They got these new "butt-bra" pants that make your posterior look like Jennifer Lopez's. Cool.
5. "Cooking in the Nude is Crazy New Fad in California" (Weekly World News, p. 25) Question: Are you really nude if you wear a sign that says "censored" over your naughty bits? We don't think so.
6. "If My Son Lisps, Does That Mean He's Gay?" (Weekly World News, p. 23) The lead item in this week's Dear Dotti column is from a guy named "Marty" from Alabama who says his son went away to college and then developed a "mincing and effeminate" lisp. Hey, isn't it funny how all these yahoos who write to Dotti always send in their (professionally photographed) head shots? Hmmm.
7. "5,000 Male Sex Organs Found in Africa's Penis Graveyard" (Weekly World News, p. 20) What's the price for a guided tour? Wait, don't answer that.
'N Sync 8. "'N Sync Star Warns: Boybands Risk Going Deaf From Girl Fans' Shrieking" (Globe, p. 9) Yeah, those boybands sure have it tough.
9. "Jan-Michael Vincent in Trouble Again" (Enquirer, p. 41) OK, so this story (Vincent's arrest for beating up a girlfriend) ain't all that interesting, but there's a cool photo of the actor's grizzly-ass face behind the jailer's cage.
10. "'Eight Is Enough' Star: Psych Ward Staffer Groped Me" (Star, p. 18) Sure, we feel bad about the fact that a psychiatric ward staffer allegedly tried to rape Lani O'Grady. But we can't stopping laughing at that glazed-eyed picture of her.
Hollywood.com's Tabloid Top 10 is a weekly rundown of the best, worst and weirdest from America's supermarket journalism.