Everyone's familiar with that popular saying: "You can't have your cake and eat it too," and Katherine Heigl has come to realize just how true that sentiment can be. For a few years now the actress has struggled to find the time to be both a mother and and entertainer, but quickly discovered that it's an almost impossible dream. In her first ever blog for iVillage.com, the Heigl opens up about the issue and gives us a better glimpse into her non-stop juggling act of a life. In regards to finding a balance between family and career, Heigl admits she has failed. On the site, she writes:
"No matter how great my intentions, how lofty my goals, how passionate my commitment, I was failing. I was failing my work, I was failing my daughter, I was failing my husband. I was stressed out and exhausted. I was worried and afraid it was all slipping through my fingers no matter how tight my grip. I couldn’t appreciate or enjoy the moments with Naleigh because I feared they weren’t enough for her and knew they weren’t enough for me. I couldn’t enjoy the work because I was so distracted by the little being in my trailer waiting for me. I couldn’t help but wonder what I had gotten myself into and if the choice I made to be a working mother was the most selfish decision of my life."
And sure enough, her guilt got the best of her and she began scaling back on her work commitments, determined to share more time with her daughter. But as time went on, she realized that her desire to keep acting became greater and greater with time, and it's been a constant tug of war ever since. As it turns out, Heigl realized she really can't have it all:
"Having it all meant that every time I take a job, my heart will break a little when I come home too late for bed time, when I miss something funny or clever or charming she has said, when I am not there to comfort her when she gets hurt. Having it all meant constantly beating myself up for compromising my mothering to be an artist and my art to be a mother and then finding a way to let the guilt go. I began to understand that the blessing and the curse were one in the same, that nothing great comes without a price."
Her internal battle is something that mothers face each and every day. You always want to be able to capture every precious moment with your child, but it's usually an improbable wish, especially these days. And even though she isn't known for being the most likable actress in Hollywood, I can kind of understand where she's coming from (although I can never completely forgive the girl who left Alex Karev high and dry on Grey's Anatomy). So how does Heigl plan to go about handling this worldwide dilemma? The starlet ends her blog by posting:
"Now when I take a job, I look my daughter in the eye, screw up my courage and try to explain to her that Mommy has to go to work. And when she looks back at me and says, “But why?,” I tell her the truth: that work makes me a better person, a better woman, a better mother. Then I pray to God that she will understand one day and that my example will encourage her to find and follow her bliss as well … after I’ve paid for all the therapy, of course."