While you're scrounging together enough spare change to afford a cable subscription to satisfy your Real Housewives of Beverly Hills cravings, Camille Grammer is occupied with selling her Malibu mansion. The asking price? I promise, you'll be happier if you just stop reading now. Still want to know? Fine, but I warned you: $17.9 million.
"Did... did he put the decimal in the wrong place?" you ask. No, and I'd thank you not to question my typography. The simple fact is that the Bravo! network star is shooting for almost a clean 18 for the house she and ex-husband Kelsey Grammer bought back when they got married in 1997. That can buy you a whole lot of tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
So what exactly makes this house $17.9 million-worthy? Does it come with regular visits from Lisa Vanderpump, or the dog from Frasier? No, but it does have a good amount going for it:
Bedrooms: Nine, plus a master suite with an ocean view... if nine of your friends wanted to spend the night, and you really didn't want to see or speak to them (usually, the kind of friends who vocalize desire to stay overnight at your place are the kind of friends you're better off ignoring), everyone would win.
Bathrooms: 12... "Aw man! I'm late for work and still need to shower, but 11 people are using the bathroom right now." No longer a problem!
Kitchen: It was designed by Wolfgang freakin' Puck. It doesn't even matter if you know how to cook, your food is going to taste amazing by proxy.
Library: "Aw man! I really want to delve into the vibrant world of Mrs. Dalloway, but I'm averse to making conversation with embittered elderly women." No longer a problem!
Guesthouse: Oh yes... there's a guest house. And it comes with multiple bedrooms, a sitting room, a rooftop deck, a private patio, and a five-car garage. Name something you can't do presently; it's no longer a problem.
Pool: For swimming.
Tennis court: For serving.
Equestrian riding ring and nine-stall barn: For Betty Drapering.
Monet lily pond: For just rubbing your visitors' faces in it.
So now that your two-bedroom apartment with a fire escape and built in asbestos is forever ruined for you, how are you going to come up with the $17.9 million to snag the Grammer place? Remember: you can only sell one kidney. Well... one of your own, anyway...
[Photo Credit: David Edwards/Daily Celeb]