America's favorite star-spangled, perma-surprised, apple pie-scented Kewpie Doll Taylor Swift has put out a new single titled "Red." Let me tell you something, guys, it is, like, so totally different from her last song "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together," as there is nary a "weeeeeee!" to be found.
Alright, so the song is about I guess as different as so-unlucky-in-love-golly-gosh Taylor is prone to get: meaning, it's definitely still autobiographically about some boy that broke her heart. But after reading through her Glamour Magazine interview, it is only logical to deduce that something is going on with Swifty Loo Who, and we need to figure it out. For the good of America and its love of its sweethearts.
After extensive research involving a near cavalcade of scientists (also known as me, myself, and this poster of Little Edie I have up in my bedroom office), we've narrowed down the potential diagnoses to four. And it's up to you to help us figure out what in the world is going on with Taylor Swift.
But first thing's first! We must all understand what we're dealing with here, so tune into the song. Lyrics (for your assistance) are provided within the video:
So what's eating Taylor Swift? A few things, we think.
She Wants To Play Adult:
Taylor Swift has just absolutely had it with the assumption that her life is "apple pie and sunshine and sprinkles and ponies," you guys. Now it's time to talk about things that are maybe sad, and dark. Less yellow and pink and more ...grey and red? Those are the colors of adult things, like a nice wall color at Pottery Barn, or a statement quilt in an otherwise serene bedroom. Things that adults care about--not silly children! Emotions evoked...adultly! Subtly and understated bravado. Oh you're so tricky, Taylor.
She Thinks She's Meredith Grey:
Also in the Glamour interview, Taylor says that she's "dark and twisty and complicated." Fans of ABC's medical soap opera Grey's Anatomy will recall this as a frequently-declared sentiment of Dr. Meredith Grey, the star of the show. By writing a song about television's most damaged and somehow-romanticized adult, Taylor can finally convey how deep the valley of Swift emotions can be. We're talking real A River Runs Through It, unsullied, physical rapture as told through colors type s**t. If she writes a song about fly-fishing, we'll know what's up.
She Has Synesthesia:
Hear me out, America, because I think this is the right answer. Synesthesia is when a person's various senses intertwine. For example, people who have synesthesia might see letters and numbers with inherent colors attached. Sometimes movements, voice, music, and assorted sounds trigger color and shapes to appear, move around, and fade when the sound ends. So, when Taylor says that "losing him was blue," "missing him was dark grey," and "loving him was red," maybe instead of talking about how sad she felt, she's admitting she has a rare (but also sort of dope sounding?) neurological disorder! Taylor's dealt with things.
She Just Really, Really, Really Likes The Color Red: Scientific evidence (a quote at the 2012 MTV VMAs) suggests this is a founded statement regarding the hue-based preferences of Ms. Swift. Or maybe she's just having what Picasso would call a Red Phase. Artists, I'm tellin' ya!
What do you think the new Taylor Swift song means? Is she trying to tell us something? Sound off in the comments!
[Photo Credit: DailyCeleb]
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