Somebody bring me some haaaaam! It’s almost time for the Golden Globes, also known as Hollywood’s biggest party, and this year, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association is putting Tina Fey and Amy Poehler in charge of the night’s entertainment. With two stellar hosts nailed down, the second order of business is figuring out where all of the champagne-swigging celebrities will sit. With Fey at the helm, what better compass could there be to assign seating than her classic comedy/microcosm of teen culture Mean Girls?
We couldn’t get ahold of Janis Ian to whip up another masterful bubble-letter-laden map for the Beverly Hills Hotel ballroom, so we gave it a try ourselves. Behold: a tableau of instant judgments marked with only a fraction of the cruelty of high school. (We love these stars a little too much to go full Regina George on them.) From the “Strictly Pretty People” who are up front because they’re devastatingly gorgeous but not likely to take home trophies, to the “Popular Kids” none of us can stop talking about, to the semi-invisible line between TV stars and movie stars, we’ve got it under control.
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[Photo Credits: Photo Illustration by Hollywood.com; Photo Credits: WENN (33); FX]