Today, May 16, 2013, will forever be known as the day that David Beckham, Posh Spice's husband who sometimes kicks around a ball, retired from soccer. This is his final season as a midfielder, a position I know as much about as the Vice Undersecretary of the Interior. But don't get too sad. The marketing genius won't have anything to do, but remain one of the most recognizable names in the world. What does that mean? More advertising! And what does more ads mean? More shirtless pictures three stories high adorning all the world's landmarks! Happy retirement, David. Now get naked and get back to work.