After a weekend of leaks, Lady Gaga's first single off ARTPOP was officially released on Monday, and boy, is "Applause" something. Not since Billy Idol's "Rebel Yell" have we heard the same word used in a song with such abundance (spoiler alert: she says "applause" a lot). Adding insult to injury, aside from the repetitive, self congratulatory, and worst of all, uninspired lyrics, the electronic dance beats that the Haus of Gaga threw together are stale and sound like a remix of "The Monster Mash."
Here's a sampling of our favorite lyrics from Mother Monster's new single and an applause count:
"I stand here waiting for you to bang the gong, to crash the critic saying: Is it right or is it wrong?"
"I've overheard your theory nostalgia's for geeks, I guess sir, if you say so, some of us just like to read"
(Nostalgia ≠ literacy.)
"Pop culture was in art, now art's in pop culture in me!"
(Andy Warhol just rolled over in his grave.)
"Put your hands up, make em touch, touch"
(Yes, that is how to clap. Thanks, Gaga!)
The Applause count: 30. She says "applause" 30 times. That averages out to once every 7 seconds, almost as often as men think about sex. Anyone who took an English class in high school can tell you that repetition is a literary device meant for use by poets and musicians, but 30 fucking times, Gaga?! Get a thesaurus!