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Goldstein Suffered 'Daily Struggle' To Cope

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Aug 29, 2009 | 5:27am EDT

Adam 'DJ AM' Goldstein spoke of his "daily struggle" to cope with life just weeks before his tragic death from a suspected drug overdose.

The DJ survived a plane crash that claimed the lives of four people in September last year -- but the incident left him deeply traumatized.

Last month, he spoke of his battle to come to terms with the fact that he and Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker survived the horrific accident in South Carolina while others died.

Goldstein said, "There's no reason why I should have lived or why I lived and they didn't. And it's something I struggle with every day."

The DJ was found dead on Friday at his New York apartment, where authorities reportedly found drug paraphernalia.

Goldstein was born in Philadelphia in 1973 and lived a troubled childhood, turning to food to deal with an abusive father he later learned was gay and a drug addict.

By his early 20s, Goldstein had fallen into a deep depression, battling an addiction to crack cocaine that took hold of his life and eventually drove him to attempt suicide at 24.

The star put a loaded gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger but the weapon jammed, a moment he later described as a turning point that prompted him to eventually give up drugs and undergo gastric bypass surgery to drastically lose weight.

He gained early fame for his involvement with the rock band Crazy Town, but grabbed even more headlines after embarking on a relationship with Lionel Richie's daughter Nicole, to whom he was engaged in 2005.

His career picked up speed as he found work remixing on albums for stars including Madonna and Will Smith, while booking live work scratching at A-list private parties for Jennifer Lopez, Leonardo DiCaprioAshton Kutcher and Demi Moore, among others.

He also collaborated with Barker as the hip-hop-rock duo TRV$DJAM, but their careers were halted and lives changed forever after the horrific plane crash in South Carolina.

Barker and Goldstein, the only survivors of the tragedy, were admitted to a Georgia hospital in critical condition with severe burns.

Goldstein's ex-girlfriend, pop star Mandy Moore, rushed to be by his bedside as he recovered, and the pair briefly reconciled their relationship before breaking up in December 2008.

He made his live comeback performing alongside rapper Jay-Z on stage in October, but when he sued the jet company two months later, his lawsuit revealed he was seeking damages for "pain, suffering, mental anguish, psychological and emotional distress, disfigurement and pre-impact fear of death and burning."

The recovering addict admitted he was seeking psychological help to come to terms with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, telling People.com he had nightmares about a man chasing him with a blowtorch.

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