Getty Images/Laurence Griffiths
If you happened to miss the first half of today’s World Cup semifinal match between Brazil and Germany, you missed out on perhaps the most shocking 45 minutes of television since the season finale of Game of Thrones (not this past one, the good one). In a series of events the escalated far too quickly for Brazil fans’ liking, the German national team scored five goals in rapid succession, which sent spectators around the world rushing to their Twitter feeds in hopes of being the first person they knew to make an Anchorman joke. But just because Brazil is down, it doesn’t mean it's out, and whether they win or lose today – and if they win, it will probably be the most memorable soccer game of all time – they’ve still got plenty to be proud of. So, cheer up, Brazil, you’ve still got plenty! Like...
You still have more World Cup titles than any other nation.
You're still the biggest country in South America.
You still have an entire population of people that look like Giselle Bundchen.
You still have Pele's glory days.
You still have Christ the Redeemer, the biggest art deco statue in the world. Oh wait...
Hey, Carnival is only seven months away...
You still have that weird version of volleyball where you can only use your feet. That's almost soccer, right?
You still have City of God, the only movie in the world that everyone thinks is good.
You still produce more Victoria's Secret models than any other country.
You still have the knowledge that most other countries look like idiots when dancing the samba.
You still have the comfort of knowing that the Red Wedding was still a more gruesome massacre than what you just went through.
And hey, there'll probably be at least two more Rio movies! That's worth something, right?