Today has been a pretty crappy morning. Not only is there a girl somewhere whose replaced her hobby of dismembering turtles (not known, so "supposed" I guess) with throwing puppies into a river, I'm forced to admit I was wrong in thinking Lindsay Lohan was going to take her prison story to somewhere like OK Magazine and get $1 million for it. Instead, she has run straight to the fair grounds of Vanity Fair. So today's 'Celeb Speak' is going to be more like 'Celeb Speech.' Not totally different...just longer and less likely to make sense than taking a recipe that's meant for four people and downsizing it so it feeds one. Here we go.
On her alcohol addiction, which is kind of like what she'd probably say if she were to argue she wasn't a rabbit: “If I were the alcoholic everyone says I am, then putting a [scram] bracelet on would have ended me up in detox, in the emergency room, because I would have had to come down from all the things that people say I’m taking and my father says I’m taking — so that says something, because I was fine.” Well, yes and no. SCRAM bracelets only monitor alcohol. So if she claims it never went off or detected alcohol in her system, that doesn't mean she wasn't smoking tree bark or cotton balls or anything. (Incidentally, it did go off in June, but she claimed someone "spilled" something on her.)
On denying drug abuse: “I’ve never abused prescription drugs. I never have — never in my life. I have no desire to. That’s not who I am. I’ve admitted to the things that I’ve done — to, you know, dabbling in certain things and trying things ’cause I was young and curious and thought it was like, O.K., ’cause other people were doing it and other people put it in front of me. And I see what happened in my life because of it.” Then who are you, Lindsay? WHO ARE YOU?
On acting: “I want my career back. I know that I’m a damn good actress, and it’s been my passion since I was a child, and I know that when I care about something, I put 100 percent and more into it. … I want the respect that I had when I was doing great movies. And if that takes not going out to a club at night, then so be it. It’s not fun anyway. I don’t care. It’s the same thing every time." She knows she's a "damn good" actress? From what? What indicates that? From being able to memorize the lines of two main characters for The Parent Trap? That was way back in 1998, when her drug of choice was Tamagotchi's (at least that was mine in 1998)! She hasn't played twins since then, and seeing as that was arguably her best acting job ever, she'd have to re-do the movie or something so as to prove she's capable of doing what she calls "caring about something." And DUH clubs are the same thing every time! It's like ice-skating! And actually, Vanity Fair!
Source: Just Jared