This weekend was a really big weekend for celebrities. Instead of doing their usual shopping at Home Depot and stiffing the guy who helps them put their bamboo trees in their car, they were having babies and getting married! Can you imagine? There isn't a worse time to do either one when there's a garden sale at Home Depot!
Let's start with who got married this weekend. Katy Perry and Russell Brand wed at a luxury tiger resort, Rambagh Palace, in India. 85 guests attended the ceremony, and obviously, a few tigers (one of whom was so interested in crashing the party that he got within 50 feet of the festivities and probably had to be lovingly jammed in the neck with a blow dart because "he had killed before"). Brand rode into the ceremony on an elephant, even though a white horse would have done just fine. As a wedding gift, Brand bought Perry a Bengal tiger named Machli, after he heard some cat keepers at the Ranthambore National Park call the animal "the epitome of beauty." Machli will continue to live in the national park, which will be fine for him, as long as he never knows what the alternative is.
On the baby birthing front, we have two new mothers. One is Celine Dion, who gave birth to fraternal twin boys on Saturday at St. Mary's Medical Center in West Palm Beach, Florida. In addition to unnecessarily and irreversibly revealing they were delivered by c-section, Dion's doctor relayed the boys were born with a considerable amount of hair. The twins were born about a month early, and they weighed 5 pounds 4 ounces and 5 pounds 10 ounces. No names have been revealed yet, but it's Celine Dion...so something French and smooth that everyone will mistake them for champion French bulldogs.
Then we have Matt Damon's wife, Luciana, who gave birth to the couple's third daughter. They named her Stella Zavala Damon. She was actually born last Wednesday here in New York, but the news only broke on Saturday, so it is still relevant here. The Damons have already been parents for quite some time now, so there's nothing really interesting here to report because we know this child will be fine. However, this poor child will certainly spend the rest of her life trying to get her groove back.