Playwright, screenwriter, television writer and occasional Huffington Post columnist extraordinaire Aaron Sorkin (The Social Network) has never really been one to find himself at a loss for words. Keeping with his tradition of endless wordsmithing, he’s taken to his online column to condemn Sarah Palin for her slaughter of a caribou on Sunday’s episode of her TLC show.
When Palin signed up for this show, we all knew she’d be gunning for a chance to put down all the “bleeding heart liberals” who bashed her hunting, woodsy ways back when she was bidding for the VP slot. And she surely showed us that she isn’t afraid to really stick it to them with Sunday’s episode. The funny thing is despite her sparkly, pink rhinestone rifle on her little cap, she doesn’t appear to really know what she’s doing. Before we see what Sorkin had to say, here's a look at what went down in the Alaska wilderness.
Of course, PETA had to speak up, calling her out for the inhumane treatment of animals, but that was expected. What wasn’t as expected was what Sorkin came out with this morning. He responded to her tweet that stated those who eat meat and wear leather can just STFU, with: You're right, Sarah, we'll all just go fuck ourselves now. Well, that’s certainly one way to open a letter.
Of course, Sorkin’s got to insult her intelligence and lack of vocabulary (a little stale at this point, no?): Like 95% of the people I know, I don't have a visceral (look it up) problem eating meat or wearing a belt. Real mature, Sorkin. You may want to play a little nicer if you’re trying to come off as the bigger person here.
The he gets really mean, going over board and comparing her to Michael Vick (who famously got busted for orchestrating dog fights) for money and aligning her hobbies with that time Dick Cheney shot his friend in the face with: I can make the distinction between the two of us but I've tried and tried and for the life of me, I can't make a distinction between what you get paid to do and what Michael Vick went to prison for doing. I'm able to make the distinction with no pangs of hypocrisy even though I get happy every time one of you faux-macho shitheads accidentally shoots another one of you in the face. Once again, Sorkin; if you want to come out of this looking like the smart one, maybe you should try not to make such outlandish comparisons.
Then he just won’t shut up, touting his industry experience and using it to call out her authenticity: I'm in film and television, Cruella, and there was an insert close-up of your manicure while you were roughing it in God's country. This point is essential to his final, sweeping dig: That was the first moose ever murdered for political gain. Suddenly, he’s giving someone who he thinks is “deranged” and too stupid to know the meaning of the word “visceral” a hell of a lot of credit. So what is it, Sorkin? Do you think she’s an idiot or a diabolical political genius? Make up your mind, buddy.
I will admit that the man knows his way around a screenplay, and a teleplay for that matter, and I don’t often disagree with his columns, but I think it’s time he realizes that in the real world you can’t control the characters you attempt to paint. I’m not a Palin fan and I never will be, but she isn’t a villain he dreamt up for a plot-line; she’s sort of outside of his control being that she’s a real person and all. Maybe next time he decides to take someone down with well-crafted words, Sorkin should make sure he’s got a clear shot at them instead of popping off bullets in every direction hoping to eventually land a significant hit.