Do you get it? How can you be sure? I don't think you get it. I think you think you're supposed to take the Oscars this seriously! I think you've already created an E-VITE invitation (fuck Facebook) and sent it out to all your friends and told them to come over to your house NO LATER THAN 6 PM, wearing what they hope to be wearing when they accept their very own Oscar! WHICH THEY'LL GET TO DO, BY THE WAY, because the second your guests make the mistake of walking through your door, you'll hand them a mini statue (that'll just be a popsicle stick with two eyes and a big penis drawn on it) and you'll tell them to look into the Flip Cam you're holding and demand that they thank their mothers for even birthing them to begin with because without their mothers, your guests wouldn't have fingers to grip what the Academy or whoever has given them to help them memorialize their great contribution to film! (And then the video footage of each person will be broken up into clips and sent to the mayor of every city in the entire country so that wherever your guests happen to die, the funeral directors in charge of their arrangements will be able to play a video of them at your party, at their funerals? YOU ARE SO CLEVER.) I also bet you bought those plastic ritzy-ditzy champagne glasses, and I bet you're going to make everyone play a stupid little Oscar game that will be way too confusing for even the person who wins it to care about. And you've got DVDs for prizes? HOLY MOLY, you throw a mean party! Where do I not sign up?