Celebrity News

Daily Shuffle: Christina Aguilera Arrested With Boyfriend

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Mar 01, 2011 | 5:23am EST

Christina AguileraChristina Aguilera and her boyfriend were arrested in West Hollywood early this morning for being SHWASTED. (That's shit-faced and wasted, for those of you out of the loop. The combination makes for a raging drunk not suitable for the public. It's not scientific, it's just a general feeling we get that determines it when someone is so drunk they have to be arrested just for being drunk. Ipso facto: shwasted.) Anywho, Aguilera was the one too drunk for public, but her boyfriend was driving drunk. Okay, have we learned nothing from ANY OTHER CELEB EVER? They've all carried out this common celeb fuck-up for you. DON'T DO IT. You're famous, you can afford a freaking cab. -TMZ

Some source blabbed to Us Magazine saying that Oscar hosts James Franco and Anne Hathaway "hate each other." Well, let me just unpack this one for you. First of all, way to drop this "bomb" about three days too late. Second, I don't think James Franco hates anybody; he's too stoned to be that angry. Third, Anne Hathaway is too much of a Mary Poppins to hold that much hate towards Franco. If anything she probably just looks at him as like a stoned slacker little brother -- and to remedy that, I offer this: THE GUY HAS A MILLION JOBS AND HE GOES TO A MILLION SCHOOLS. Of course he'd need a little bit o' happy to help him get through that huge show and maybe it's a sign that he's trying to do way too much. Slow down, James. We'll still love you even if you only have two jobs. Hate? Probably not. Annoyance? Yeah, that sounds about right. -Us

OBLIGATORY CHARLIE SHEEN UPDATE: This morning on The Today Show, we had the pleasure (weird awkward, cult-like experience) of meeting Charlie Sheen's "goddesses." One's a "model" and the other admits to being a porn star and they take care of his children. He says they "get him" (translation: love his money) and that they work together like a family (translation: they do what he says because they love his money). And even with all this he's so delusional that he's denied help from his friends and family and he's ragging on fans who voiced their concerns on Twitter. Can we all stop caring about this? Maybe that's the key. Maybe that's the cure. Maybe we're so over this that we don't even care. -Today

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