Sorry guys, no Charlie Sheen rants today about waking up, eating breakfast, and just winning. It's pretty dry out there news-wise, except for the exceptional coverage about the new movie, Rango. There's not even a clip on RadarOnline.com where a bunch of reporters catch one of Sheen's hooker friends coming out of an abortion clinic and then calling Sheen's cell in front of the cameras to prove that she has his number. So we're going to have to satisfy our thirsts for unbelievable instability with the water that's hiding out in the cacti and get excited about some pretty minor Sheen-related things. The first piece is that Dr. Drew Pinsky has partnered with VH1 and plans on hosting an hour-long special about Charlie Sheen's "media meltdown," which will air on March 7th at 8 PM. Dr. Drew will explain what Sheen's recent behavior in interviews can tell us about his mental state, and will culminate in a guess as to what is wrong with him. As if he woke up with a green and gangrenous leg or something.
The second piece of news is that there will be an animated special on Spike TV, called Charlie Sheen's Winningest Moments, that is BOUND to be exceptional because it plans to count down 10 of Sheen's 12 most outrageous moments in THIRTY MINUTES. The company responsible for those Taiwanese re-enactments of Steven Slater's meltdown, Tiger Woods' Christmastime driving accident, and Charlie Sheen's "incident" at The Plaza Hotel will be heading the feature, because nobody does computerized ass cheeks of guys flipping out about the location of their Rolexes like those guys.
Finally, for some reason, Charlie Sheen continues to believe he'll be back on Two and a Half Men. The Hollywood Reporter has video from when he called into a Philadelphia-based radio station (BECAUSE THE STATION FLEW A PLANE OVER HIS HOUSE, "BEGGING HIM TO"?!?), and Sheen's quoted as saying "I see us back on the air with a few adjustments, and giving the people not only what they want, but what they deserve, which is loyalty." Or, SHEEN COULD JUST GO AWAY AND EVERYONE COULD GET A CORGI.