As many times as you and I have said "yes! I've brushed my teeth!" and been lying about it is as many times that George Clooney has said he'll never get married again because his marriage to Talia Basalm ended in divorce in 1993 and he's only allowed one marriage. He has never been shy about vocalizing that. I'm pretty sure I even walked by a poster on the sidewalk for Lady Gaga's new album that someone had written "George Clooney Will Never Get Married Again" on it with spray paint. But the vow to abstain from marriage hasn't stopped George from participating in relationships altogether. He's had a few serious ones here and there -- some lasting just one year and one motorcycle crash, others lasting five years with no vehicular incidents, some sporadic ones with People magazine covers, and then of course there's the 9 year relationship he had with his potbellied pig Max, who George rewarded for waking him up during an earthquake and saving his life by taking him for a ride in John Travolta's private plane.
His most recent partnership has been with Elisabetta Canalis, who is known for her bicep tattoos, for perpetuating the belief that every woman George Clooney has sex with is forced into getting a hysterectomy, for making it harder to Google "Cannabis," and for keeping that part of your stomach that's below your belly button but above your pelvis insanely flat. She has been with Clooney for two years and has previously said that she has no problem with George's disinterest in marriage. SHE HAS SAID THAT. She's said she's just happy to be his girlfriend, that her dogs satisfy her maternal instincts, and that she knew what she was signing up for. Right, that's awesome. But it's really boring for us because it seems like a relationship where everyone's on the same page and everyone wants the same things, and so there are no fights about how cooking oil is dripping down the kitchen cabinets and the clock.
But Elisabetta's sea level must have risen or something because now she's quoted in an Italian magazine as saying that she will be married in the future. She said, "I am a firm believer in marriage, in the future I will be married, but for the time being I am happy as I am. I don't need anything to confirm how happy I am." As you can imagine, this is a problem because now we have one person wanting something that the other person doesn't want. This is how relationships end, and it has always been that way. So either Elisabetta changes her mind about tying the knot, or she's going to be out of a Clooney and a whole lot of satin pantsuits in a very short period of time.