The hype surrounding Friday's release of the Channing Tatum male stripper movie Magic Mike is as deafening as the screams from a million bachelorette parties under the same roof as they catch a site of oil-slicked abs. But what would be even more deafening? The delighted squeals of every theater queen when they find out about Magic Mike: The Musical. Yes, it might happen.
At the premiere last night, Reid Carolin, co-producer and co-writer of Hollywood's biggest gun show, told USA Today, "We are working on it as a Broadway show, which would be a different story, more of a romp, more of a fun night out at a club with a story. I'm almost more excited about that than the movie." My brain just exploded with dance belts, body glitter, and rainbows. Now, how are we going to make this a musical?
The Cast: Things will have to be a little bit different for the stage version since the slabs of beef will not only have to act and dance, they're going to have to sing as well. Oh, and let's not forget about having abs flatter than the American economy. While we would love to have Hugh Jackman replace Matthew McConaughey as the older emcee of the show, we'll probably end up with someone like John Stamos. Yum. Carolin said that Alex Pettyfer would reprise his movie role in the musical so that's good, but if he doesn't follow through on his promise, how about Weeds star Hunter Parrish, who has been in both Spring Awakening and Godspell recently? There's no replacing Channing Tatum, but how about Pablo Schrieber, Liev's younger brother who was also on the last season of Weeds and showed his ass on a Broadway stage in Desire Under the Elms?
As for the supporting role, B'way vet Jonathan Groff, Glee's Jesse St. James, could take over the openly gay actor in his skivvys role from Matthew Bomer and, in an unconventional move, why don't we replace Joe Manganiello with Maroon 5's Adam Levine? Sure, it might be too small a part, but that body, that voice, and those Jagger-like moves are desperately needed in front of the footlights. And if there isn't any room for newly minted Broadway hotshots like Kevin Jonas and Daniel Radcliffe, that would be a shame.
The Music: Well, you could make it a jukebox musical and just insert songs like "The Thong Song" and "Macho Man" into a male stripper movie, but that would be too easy (and would make us sit through another needless rendition of "It's Raining Men.") Then, obviously, the only choice for the tunes would be Scott Wittman and Marc Shaiman, the duo who pens the music for Smash and wrote the songs for Hairspray, the South Park movie, and every other clever musical comedy that you hear about these days. But will they be able to channel the sexiness needed for the musical? Oh, I'm sure.
The Costumes: Duh, the less the better. But if there isn't at least one football player number complete with pads and jockstraps, someone needs to be fired.
The Story: We're talking about a simple story centered on a veteran stripper who brings a younger guy into the fold and also has to choose between falling in love with a lady and his risqué profession. That sounds like a simple enough plot for a night at the theater. Can we also add two of the strippers falling in love with each other? Oh, and maybe another plot about having to raise money to save the strip club from developers? Because anything that will make your show like Burlesque or The Muppets is a good thing.
The Audience: Carolin says, "I think it's the perfect thing for women to go see on Broadway, to be participants in the show." He thinks ladies are going to come to this? Mmmmhmmm. Sure.
Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan