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What if the Bad Guys Won?

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Nov 05, 2010 | 7:59am EDT

MegamindIn Hollywood, the good guys almost always win. Writers, directors and movie studios seem to think that somewhere in our DNA is a code that makes us all yearn for a happy ending. That’s not entirely true, Tinseltown.

Most of us like to have our boat rocked from time to time. Though we’re happy to see Spider-Man save the day every other year, we like to see Keyser Söze get away with murder, too. While villains like Dr. No or Megatron would certainly make our lives a lot harder (or nonexistent), we’re willing to take that risk in exchange for a fresh narrative. Thankfully, DreamWorks Animation has given us a film that explores this scenario: Megamind. In the movie, Will Ferrell’s titular antagonist finally overcomes Brad Pitt’s mighty Metro Man, only to find that he’s ill-prepared to rule the city he’d coveted for so long. It got me thinking: What would the world be like if some of cinema’s most dastardly villains had beaten the good guys?

Take a look below for some examples of how different life might be if the bad guys actually won…

The IncrediblesThe Incredibles

Little Buddy just wanted to be like his hero, Mr. Incredible, but the cocksure crime fighter had no use for a wimpy sidekick. Instead, the impressionable tyke became Syndrome, a supervillain every bit the equal of his former role model.

As we all know, the Incredibles foiled Syndrome’s plan to make everyone “super,” but if he’d won there would be about six billion superheroes on Earth. With his many technological innovations on the market, Syndrome’s actions would inevitably lead to a Superhuman World War, engulfing our planet in pain and misery. Doesn’t exactly sound like the plot of a Pixar picture, does it?

Terminator

TerminatorThe T-100 was sent back through time to terminate young John Connor in an attempt to end the human resistance, but his mother Sarah and a lone future soldier eliminated the mechanical monster before it could complete its mission. Had it succeeded, the world would’ve been a pretty peaceful place – devoid of all natural beauty and life, but peaceful nonetheless.

Perhaps the machines would’ve grown tired of replicating themselves and started producing test tube babies as pets instead. Maybe they would’ve gotten cultured and taken up hobbies like art and literature. Who knows? All I know is that since James Cameron left the franchise, I’ve been praying for the machines to win and put me out of my misery.

Alien

AlienWhen the crew of the galactic mining ship Nostromo intercepted a strange signal from a nearby planet, their subsequent investigation ended in disaster. Only warrant officer Ripley survived the attack of the terrifying Xenomorph, but had it finished her off, I fear that Paul Verhoeven would’ve been awfully mad because the creature would’ve harvested more aliens and the ship would’ve eventually crash-landed on some unsuspecting planet. That would’ve led to an all-out invasion and takeover, and before you know it, the Starship Troopers would’ve been sent in to save the day. But Xenomorphs are a helluva lot harder to kill than overgrown bugs, so Earth would be left defenseless and we would all be Banthaa-fodder – wait, wrong movie…

Back to the Future Part II

Back to the Future Part IIMarty McFly’s time-traveling adventures really only created trouble for himself and his family, but bad guy Biff would’ve changed the world if he had things his way at the end of BTTF II.

Had Marty not course-corrected the space-time continuum, Biff would be the richest man in the world and our daughters would not be safe. At the age of 18, all living females would be forced to give the bloated bigot their virginity and males would have to pledge their allegiance to his army of idiots. Literacy rates would drop to Neanderthal levels. We’d be living in a world that looks, sounds and feels like a Uwe Boll movie. THE HORROR!!!!!!

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The WorldHis mission is hardly one of biblical proportions, but don’t tell him that. Pilgrim set out to slay the 10 evil exes of Ramona Flowers – the Mary Jane Watson of this comic book story – and was victorious in his quest. If he had fallen in battle, the world would’ve gone on just the same, his death barely noticed by anyone except the ever-expanding hipster population, which would of course be devastated from the loss of its hero and perish in a mass suicide…

So hang on a second … You mean to tell me that if Scott Pilgrim had been taken out by Gideon Gordon Graves or Todd Ingram or Lucas Lee, I wouldn’t have to look at a bunch of pretentious emo-listening, tight pants-and Harry Potter-glasses-wearing buffoons? Where is this punk?! I’ll take him out myself!!

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