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'DWTS' 50 Shades of Bruno: Porn or Bruno?

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May 22, 2012 | 9:37am EDT

bruno tonioliDancing With the Stars may be mostly known for its elegant ballroom dances and amazing costume designs, however, avid fans know that there's one hidden gem that's not quite as ubiquitous in the pop culture lexicon: Saucy judge Bruno Tonioli.

Throughout the years, Bruno's colorful personality and risque quotes have become a notable highlight to every season, making audiences laugh and causing prim and proper Len to cringe. And truth be told, sometimes it's hard to even tell the difference between Bruno's remarks and full on porn. (Let's hope those 15 million regular viewers are all above age 13, amirite?) 

Check out some of his most memorable quotes throughout the years and see for yourself. Dancing may be musical poetry, but the words that come out of this guy's mouth are a special melody all of their own. Behold: 50 Shades of Bruno!

Warning: Keep out of reach of children. And yes, he really did say all of these things.

1. "You two are wired for sex."

2. "What you lack in size, you make up in fire."

3. (To Len) "You need Viagra, I'm sorry." 

4. "She banged. You have to bang as hard as she does."

5. "You tried to be a lady but you're more comfortable being a tramp."

6. "Your dancing is a little like the economy. Every week it's supposed to be getting better, but nothing happens"

7. "There was so much going on on the upper deck, it was hard to look anywhere else."

8. "Two players at the top of their game! Riding the fine line between love and hate, bursting with sexual tension!"

9. “Your rumba was so hot, I need an ice bucket.”

10. “I want you to be a dirty girl.”

11. "You've really learned how to use your bon-bon to great effect."

12. "You had so much fire down below it was like a volcano… a loin-shattering sex machine!"

13. "I love the way you crack your whip, like a pumped-up masculine action hero: Tight muscles in tight pants!"

14. "There's nothing wrong with a bum as long as you know what to do with it."

15. "It was a blizzard of passion and fear."

16. “You are a smouldering siren!”

17. “The sexy minx is out of the cage!”

18. (To Nancy Grace) "You brazen jezebel!"

19. “It was like watching a little Ewok dance with Princess Leia.”

20. "You looked like two sex kittens."

21. "You look like you're riding a bike."

22. "You have to be available, but not expensive."

23. "There were more shakes than a cocktail bar!"

24. "You've got more flash than Vegas and more tricks than Houdini."

25. "The devil was in your hips tonight."

26. "You're getting crusty and stiffy again."

27. "With that outfit, I didn't have a chance to look at the footwork."

28. "It was the threesome of the season. I had to join in."

29. "You lifted your leg and you looked like a dog at a lamp post."

30. "And you were too rough with your p***y!"

31. "If you treat all your men like that, stay away from my lunchbox."

32. "You could have gone a bit further to get my juices going."

33. "The Queen of the Dammed is the Queen of the Night."

34. "When fatal attraction turns into bloodshed."

35. "You were just going for it like there was no tomorrow."

36. "It obviously takes two to get the best out of you."

37. "Dancing With the Stars presents the hottest package of the season."

38. "You've entered the pleasure zone."

39. "I'm going to die with bum envy!"

40. “You’re a natural at turning tricks!”

41. "You were bouncing like a beach ball." (I'll give you three guesses as to what part of the body he's referring to.)

42. "Jake, you cheeky bugger! Why did you put your pants on?"

43. “The Cha-Cha-Cha needs a slut.”

44. “Do you have extra batteries in your pants?”

45. "You were very good in bed, Elisabetta."

46. (To Drew and Cheryl) “You two can ride each other like no other!”

47. "An erotic, exotic rollercoaster. You would want to ride that over and over again."

48. "I can only think of sex, sex and more sex. Stripperella is back home. Do it to me, girl!"

49. "Mario, if your hips could talk we'd be censored tonight."

50. "You ended up in positions that I've only seen in the Kama Sutra."

And they all lived happily ever after...

More:

DWTS Final Performances Feature 10s Galore... and Another Perfect Score

DWTS Results: Who Made It To the Finals?

[Image: ABC]

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