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Furby's Back! (And 6 Other '90s Toys Worth Reviving)

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Jul 09, 2012 | 12:23pm EDT

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Furby is back. The nightmarish, sentient toy that haunted children’s dreams and parents’ eardrums in the late ‘90s has returned after a 14 year absence… and he’s got souls to collect! Kidding… or am I? It’s tough to ever really know what Furby’s agenda is.

Is Furby back to wreak havoc on today’s go-go-go tech world of iPhones and fax machines? Has he been revived by Hasbro to retake the market for omniscient plush beings, as currently overrun by Cee Lo? Or is he just a lowly man-puff seeking to pull in some coin in this tough economy? Whatever his motives are, the frightening, five-inch Furby will be back this fall with new technology, a new price tag and even more hollow, soul-less eyes.

Does this mean that the door is open for some other beloved ‘90s toys to make their resurgence into today’s plaything landscape? There are other toys from the past that don’t wake you up in the dead of night during your friend’s sleepover and moan at you. These toys are what I’d like to see reinvented and updated.

Pogs

Did Pogs ever really go away? I don't know. Did their relevance? It’s difficult to have ever discerned a purpose for the cardboard cutouts anyway. Could Pogs find usefulness in 2012? Probably not. But I'd love to get my hands on a Walking Dead slammer that looks like Well Zombie.

Mr. Bucket

A world without Mr. Bucket is a world devoid of joy, merriment and at-home bucket maintenance. And it was a helluva lot easier to clean up than that elephant that ejaculated butterflies.

Don’t Wake Daddy

What exactly happens when you wake up Daddy? Does he… does he hurt you? The terrifying reality is, way too many kids have metaphorically “woken” “Daddy,” and that’s why we need to continue investing in afterschool domestic education programs. 

Skip It

The 2012 version, of course, wouldn’t require the child to actually get out of her desk chair in order to play. Ah, America.

Super Soakers

There was no logical reason that Super Soakers ever should have faded out. Did the weather get colder? Did our nation’s young boys no longer see a need to cool off in the summer sun with a fake plastic AK-47?

TIGER Games

You mean they haven’t yet made a standalone handheld version of Angry Birds with a chunky plasticine grip? The old TIGER games had one transparent background image and five silhouetted action poses for your favorite TV characters to strike as they jumped or ducked. If you translate the handheld game into today’s world, you get the iPhone. It scares the hell out of me that one-year-olds can swipe and unlock their parents’ iPhones, but perhaps reviving these handheld games is the way to slowly wean your child onto technology, like a digital teat. 

God, I feel old.

Follow @MarcSnetiker on Twitter!

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