NBC's The New Normal is a delightful show about a not very ordinary gay couple trying to have a surrogate daughter with a strange woman who has an oddball child and an unbelievably bigoted (and funny) grandmother. NeNe Leakes is also somehow involved. As much as it would like us to believe that this is the way the world works today, like most Ryan Murphy shows it is a celebration of the oddities within all of us. Therefore this weekly feature is both a celebration (and indictment) of all the abnormality contained within it.
Normal: Going to the Olive Garden for ranch dressing bread sticks.
Abnormal: Wishing there were more vegetables.
Normal: Little girls getting a Ring Pop for an engagement ring.
Abnormal: Actually thinking this means you're engaged.
Normal: Little girls loving Beyoncé.
Abnormal: A little girl who does a drop-dead perfect Little Edie Beale impersonation who also knows the choreography to "Single Ladies." (Confidential to Ryan Murphy: That is not Beyoncé's only song.)
Normal: Being enamored with celebrity couples.
Abnormal: Thinking celebrity couples will be together for more than five years or the extent of their contractual obligation to each other.
Normal: Making fashion mistakes in your past (or in The New Normal flashbacks).
Abnormal: Ever thinking that floral prints and denim vests go together.
Normal: Having a pretend wedding.
Abnormal: Having a pretend wedding that is not for gay people.
Normal: Wanting the Kardashians to attend your event.
Abnormal: Wanting the Kardashians to attend your fake wedding. The last time that happened it was over after 72 days and the public was pissed (though they did probably make a ton of cash off of it.)
Normal: Wanting to look good at a wedding (as the gay step-father-in-law-mother's-surrogate-father-sperm-donor-paying-for-the-fake-wedding-guy).
Abnormal: Looking this damn good in a burgundy suit!
Normal: Suri Cruise wearing a fashion poncho.
Abnormal: Some average kid with the fashion sense of Garanimal wearing a fashion poncho.
Normal: Little girls liking Nicki Minaj.
Abnormal: A little girl who does a drop-dead perfect Little Edie Beale impersonation who also knows the choreography to "Single Ladies" and also love Nicki Minaj. Pick a R&B star and stick with it already!
Normal: The minister at a wedding saying "speaking now or forever hold your peace."
Abnormal: Someone actually speaking now and not holding their peace. Seriously this only happens on TV shows.
Normal: Eating your feelings.
Abnormal: Eating your feelings and looking like this.
Normal: Throwing out your horrible, racist, homophobic, overbearing, judgemental, helmet-coiffed, slamming-body-for-a-cougar, awful, viper of a grandmother.
Abnormal: Waiting this damn long to do it!
Normal: Missing Chik-Fil-A because of the boycott over their homophobic charitable donations.
Abnormal: Preferring lamb sliders over waffle fries.
Normal: A little girl having a nice, cute, well-appointed room full of toys and great furniture.
Abnormal: A little girl who is supposed to be poor and whose mother has no job other than carrying a gay couple's baby having a nice, cute, well-appointed room full of toys and great furniture.
Normal: Crying at gay wedding engagement scenes.
Abnormal: Crying at gay wedding engagement scenes even though they involved candles and flowers and an improbable fetus and all sorts of other crazy stuff. Yeah, I totally cried.
Normal: Trying to find just the right engagement ring.
Abnormal: Trying to find a Ring Pop that will fit a grown man's giant hands. Trust me, it's impossible. Just trust me.
Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan
[Photo Credit: NBC]