Sunday night’s Here Comes Honey Boo Boo special, "You Don’t Know Boo," promised “never boo-fore seen footage.” Well, since this was only the second time I’ve ever committed an hour of my life to the Boo Boos, it's pretty easy to show me footage of this family I've never seen before.
Wait. Is Boo Boo actually the family’s last name? I know the loudest one is Honey Boo Boo, first name Honey, right? Is that right? Hello? Anyone there? No? Cool.
Thanks to some lucky timing, my roommate's grandmother happened to be visiting while I was watching the special, so maybe my viewing experience was skewed a little toward the shock and outrage side of the reaction spectrum. Our collective gasps and looks of horror while watching the Boo Boos fart, sneeze, and eat everything in sight might have been more exaggerated than they would have been solo, but still — I probably would have felt the same way without a viewing audience with me.
The other thing promised by the hour-long special was the "most redneckognizable moments" from the first season. Now, we know that this is one of Honey Boo Boo's catchphrases. But does anyone know if this is an actual English word? Perhaps not, since before every commercial break came a segment named "Guess What They Said," where a clip was played of one of the Boo Boos saying a sentence with four options of what that sentence could be. Clearly, I’m not the only one struggling to decipher what the Boo Boos say. I think the fact that subtitles are offered throughout the entire show – when the cast is speaking in English – is a narrative on the show itself. I mean, this is a show where we spent a good chunk of time on how snot was hanging out of Honey Boo Boo’s nose. And she just sat there, letting it hang. For a good couple minutes. There was also a montage of Mama Boo Boo sneezing.
So, without further ado, here are my most redneckognizable moments from Sunday night’s special, "You Don’t Know Boo."
Honey Boo Boo put on a blindfold to smell people’s breath and guess which breath belonged to which family member.
They played in the mud. That's not a euphemism for anything, either. They literally played in the mud.
Your tongue’s a good toothpick if you use it just right.
"Vajiggle jaggle" is the excess fat one has on one’s body. Don’t let it hang out at a water park, because that’s not “beautimous.”
Mama washes her hair in the sink. Because to wash it in the bath is not hygienic. Glad to see something is sacred?
Bodily Gaseous Functions
If you fart 10-15 times a day you lose weight.
The Boo Boos call themselves “America’s Sweetfarts.”
Pets Become Members of the Family
The Boo Boos got a teacup pig, and after a minute you couldn’t figure out who the pig was and who the people are. The pig had painted toenails, communicated via loud squeals, and farted enough to make the Boo Boos proud.
Problems With Appendages
Mama wears socks everywhere, all the time, on account of her “forklift foot.” You see, a long time ago, a forklift rolled over her big toe, and it still bears the marks of her injury. So even at a pedicure, even at a water park, she wore socks. Until her family finally convinced her to show them her forklift foot, and when she took off her sock, gnats immediately flocked to it and were flying around her toe.
The baby, Kaitlyn, was born with two right thumbs.
How The Family Began
Mama June and Sugar Bear met in an internet chat room. Sugar Bear said that it was love at first sight when he saw her, but she didn’t exactly agree with that sentiment. "Was it love at first sight?" Mama said. "No. Was it bed at first sight? Maybe." Classy, as always.
[Photo Credit: TLC]
Follow Sydney on Twitter @SydneyBucksbaum