We've spent eight years wading through girlfriends, fiancés, and Halloween flings. Eight years of mysterious burger joints and pizza-bound road trips. Eight years of goat brawls, sandwich-addled concerts, and duck-speckled ties. And after eight years, it all boils down to one weekend. TVLine reports that How I Met Your Mother's ninth and final season, which kicks off in September, will take place entirely during the weekend of Barney and Robin's wedding, during which time our hero, the jagweed Ted Mosby, will meet his future wife — the recently introduced Cristin Milioti.
Milioti's yet unnamed character attends the wedding as a bandmember (or so we've been led to believe), meeting each of the central characters one by one, culminating in one final union with the spiky-haired architect to whom she will eventually be wed.
As brutal as much of the journey has been (especially the past few seasons), this new announcement seems like an interesting turn for How I Met Your Mother. We've endured years upon years of nonsense, of filler, of poorly executed diversions. But now, we have no time to waste: a single weeked to be deliberately plotted out and delivered over the course of an entire season of television (in real time? Think 24, but with more "bro" puns), finalizing Ted's tale once and for all.
So the only question now: why the hell didn't he just start the story with the wedding?! Yeah, sure, I guess it'd make sense to begin the night he met Robin if he did, indeed meet The Mother at her wedding... but there were a few chapters he might have been wise to skip. Like 2011, for example.
Follow Michael Arbeiter on Twitter @MichaelArbeiter