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‘RHOA’ Recap: Motherz N The Hood

By:
Dec 02, 2013 | 3:30pm EST

Real Housewives of AtlantaBravo

This week’s episode was all about maternal affairs. The ratchet lovely ladies of Atlanta wanted to showcase their best mommy moments. Pity this episode was after Thanksgiving and not Mother’s Day, because there are very few things we are thankful for because it was boring. When episodes spend multiple scenes recapping things that happened in earlier episodes, they waste valuable time for reading, fights, and shade. Hear that, Bravo?

Kenya Moore introduces the mother of all boring storylines to the mother of all Fashion Queens, Miss Lawrence Washington. Kenya is still bringing up her eviction and singing off-key impromptu songs about nothing. She also wastes valuable screen-time bringing up the fight Apollo Nida and Phaedra Parks are having.

Cynthia Bailey tells NeNe Leaks the mother of all lies. "This is a farmer’s market and it has all kinds of stuff." They walk into a typical grocery store where they purchase items like Swiss Cake Rolls, 4-for-5-dollar pizzas, and Hot Pockets. Then Cynthia introduces her pitiful storyline: her 13-year-old daughter, Noelle, has a boyfriend. So she decides to have the boy and his mother stop by. What follows is so boring it will make you fall asl…

Porsha Stewart is considering moving out of her mother’s house. But the major hurdle is her financial dependence on love for her mother.

Kandi Burruss is doing her best impression of a Stepford wife. She sets up an elaborate meal for her fiancé, Todd Tucker, that includes multiple baked goods. She recounts her fight with her mother, Momma Joyce, to her best friend Carmen. She explains that her mother even accused Carmen of cheating with Todd. Carmen does not seem too trustworthy. It could be the editing, music, multiple side-eyes, or the HUGE gash on her face. Was she cut for talking to another woman’s man?

The meal with Momma Joyce arrives. Joyce comes in swinging throwing out accusations at Carmen and Todd. She starts complaining about her lack of pictures in the house. She flat-out calls Todd an opportunist. He coolly responds with “None of this impresses me.” Isn't that an insult to his prospective wife? Then Momma Joyce channels Diana Ross's worst impersonator by wailing, “Ain’t no river high enough, ain’t no ocean deep enough, ain’t no dessert hot enough to keep me off your ass, baby!”

The best mother of the episode by far is ... Phaedra Parks?!? Despite going to Alabama for a study group she still brings her nanny newborn baby, Mr. President. She also is still in the thick of a fight with Apollo but she politely declines speaking to him rather than fighting on camera or in front of her child. Then she attends a study group and legitimately study. Go, Phaedra!

Mother of All Phaedra Lines

(to Amber’s Face) Well baby, you thick like a porkchop.

(Behind Amber’s Back) Big Booty Amber is alright by me she obviously hadn’t missed any red beans and rice or gravy. She’s thick with it.

Mother of All Supermarket Reads

She needs some carrots for her eyes.

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