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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap: Catfight on the Catwalk

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Dec 31, 2013 | 2:00pm EST

Real Housewives of Beverly HillsBen Cohen/Bravo

This week on our beloved Beverly Hills Housewives, Carlton takes her husband and her mother-in-law to Hustler in Hollywood. It’s actually creepier than it sounds. She fits her skinny figure into a bikini made for a 21 year old, and gives her mother-in-law a lap dance. While sitting next to her husband. Sorry Carlton, not even your ridiculously toned body can make that ok.

Kim watches Kingsley’s new videotape and than proceeds to go the Long Beach Grand Prix. That is all.

Brandi, Joyce and their skinny ‘friends’ try on clothes at Kyle’s boutique for Kyle’s ‘fashion show.’ Kyle gets visibly upset when the clothes literally fall off Brandi and Joyce, maybe if one girl was one size above a zero the two could actually get along. But instead of reveling in their thinness together Joyce has to quote herself, ‘You can never be too thin, too rich, or too sexy.’ Immediately, we jump away from team Joyce. Come on Brandi, where are those fangs.

Enter Lisa. She invites everyone to her restaurant to put the past behind them and start fresh. Insert sigh and overly exaggerated eye roll. How many times do we have to watch these girls start fresh over the plates of never-been-touched food and empty glasses of booze.

Joyce arrives 45 minutes late with her black mane down, we can’t help but wonder what her face actually looks like. Brandi doesn’t say much to her, and vice versa. But than they sit for the meal. Joyce brings up Brandi being a bully and Brandi -- per usual -- stands up for herself and shows obvious irritation. What is unusual this time though, is that Brandi’s words are not slurring, and aside from a couple f-bombs, she is finally making sense.

Joyce is an attention whore with a slightly overweight man-child for a husband. Is Brandi really in the wrong for pointing that out? We don’t think so. We do agree, Brandi shouldn’t have told him to go back to wherever he’s from, what if he takes Joyce? Who will we have to ridicule come Monday night? None of the other housewives are misbehaving. Take it easy Brandi, let’s not drive away the driving force of the show!

Projections

Kingsley gets adopted by the trainer because Kim realizes how much fun life is without any children.

The clothes fall off Brandi at Kyle’s fashion show but Joyce pops a button, so they become best friends.

Carlton shoots a sex video with her mother-in-law; her husband is the cameraman. 

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