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'AHS: Coven' Recap: PlotSouls

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Jan 09, 2014 | 3:00pm EST

American Horror Story CovenFX/Michele K. Short

Well, like Stevie Nicks’ song “Landside,” it seems like American Horror Story is afraid of changing. And you can see the reflection of last season in a snow-covered hill ... of cow plops. You want a storyline to reach a nice crescendo and provide some closure. However, the folks at AHS like to establish plotlines like a nosy super Christian neighbor rather than developing some of its most prevalent characters. Marie Laveau (Angela Bassett) seems to be the season’s villain, and yet, we know nothing about her.

The episode begins with Marie and Fiona Goode (Jessica Lange) having a sleepover. Their rivalry was never explained so this sudden flip-flop isn’t sudden or unexpected, it’s just random. Fiona offers to spell her asleep and Marie reveals the secret to her 300-year-old youth. Sadly, it isn’t chicken beaks, Oil of Olay, or sounding ratchet ... it’s killing babies. Apparently, she sold her soul to Ryan Murphy Papa Legba (Lance Reddick), who bears a strange resemblance to the WWE star The Undertaker. So she must go to a hospital and kidnap a baby. The sad part is this isn’t the craziest the episode gets. Although, luckily Stevie Nicks will appear at some point to salvage the plot, right?

Watching the news like best lady friends, Fiona, Marie, and Cordelia Foxx (Sarah Paulson) find out that Hank was responsible for killing all the hairstylists/witches. Besides wasting valuable time reiterating what we already know, the scene finds Fiona giving Cordelia an epic smack and then a verbal lashing to match. However, Fiona has no problem with Marie paying Hank to kill the witches.

Then in a mere flash Fiona brings Misty Day (Lily Rabe) into the sitting room to find Stevie Nicks there. What? No explanation? Apparently, it’s good to be The Supreme. Misty faints to some comic relief and then Stevie plays a very low energy version of “Rhiannon.” She may be tired because someone tried to explain to her how this show is meant to make any sense. Plus, is Nicks a witch? Was she kidnapped using Fiona's mind control powers? Are they old friends? Why is freakin' Stevie Nicks on this show?

The remaining girls speculate on the identity of the new Supreme. Madison Montgomery (Emma Roberts) is still convinced it might be her. Nan (Jamie Brewer) reveals her powers are growing and she can control minds as well as read them. Could she be the Supreme? So far, Misty can resurrect, which is one of the seven wonders, Nan can control minds and Madison has telekinesis and pyrokinesis all of whch are powers Fiona has. Or ... will Queenie (Gabourey Sidibe) return as the Supreme?

Fiona casts a weird magic foreclosure spell on the witch hunters and they are suddenly investigated by the FCC. That’s when Marie reveals the secret to her eternal life/youth. Sadly, it’s not the potion from Death Becomes Her which is starting to look significantly more well written than this season. Oh Meryl Streep ... could you have saved this season? Where is all of this going?

Madison and Misty go for a walk following a funeral with kebabs. They literally follow a funeral procession. Madison decides to reveal that she can also resurrect people and then coldcocks Misty and buries her alive. Is this the end of Misty as the Supreme? This is the best scene in the episode and yet it’s so short. However, Misty did mention she had plans for her ressurection should something happen.

Nan and Zoe (Taissa Farmiga) decide to go visit everyone’s least favorite storyline abusive mother Joan Ramsey (Patti Lupone) to try and find Luke’s body to try and resurrect him. This show is starting to rely a little much on resurrection. Nan shows off her new powers by forcing the murderous mom to drink bleach. Why was this woman ressurected if she was going to get killed off? This is a lot like last season with the premature exit of Rabe’s possessed nun. Why were Luke and his mother relevant at all? Why bother to waste valuable screentime on them if they rob the series of the chance to develop their characters. Is Marie more than an immortal voodoo queen with a really ratchet Jafakin’ accent. 300 years and she sounds like Halle Berry as Storm in X-Men. Remember Berry’s weak attempt at an African accent?

Fiona summons Papa Legba to try and get rid of her crow’s feet cancer using cocaine. She comes to learn she has no soul. Is it because her soul is the singular soul of the Supreme? Does the soul cycle through each Supreme? Did she lose it with her ghostly sexing with the Axeman (Danny Houston)? Or did she sell her soul for the survival of this series despite their lack of adequate plot development?

The series’ least powerful witches Cordelia and Myrtle Snow (Frances Conroy) have a powwow in the greenhouse. Myrtle loves playing the theremin and Cordelia loves to cry and be helpless. What are their powers anyway? Should we be asking this in the tenth episode of the season? Luckily, Myrtle has the power of witty dialogue and taunts Cordelia.

Rather than allowing Marie to sacrifice a baby, Marie and Fiona decide to kill Nan by drowning her. Then Nicks pops back for another somber song. Because hey, why not.

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