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Robert Pattinson Deals with Fame: Late Last Night

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Jun 16, 2010 | 6:24am EDT

  Robert Pattinson Deals with Fame: Late Last Night

As much as you want it to, “Twilight” isn’t going away anytime soon. I give you permission to try to keep willing it to go away, or get sucked back to the room where movie execs brainstorm movie plots…but I gotta tell ya, the movie series about vampires, werewolves and really white people just isn’t going back to that place. In fact, Robert Pattinson told Jay Leno how he and his parents have gotten used to the hype that surrounds his little existence. But continuing to deal the tabloids that write how he has an alien child or has impregnated Kristen Stewart isn’t really easy.

And CONTROVERSY! Emma Roberts told Pattinson how she’s firmly on Team Jacob, and then she talked a little bit about ‘Scream 4.’ But I feel like if Team Jacob and Team Edward continue to dominate the world (even when the World Cup is going on) we might as well just give in and promote them to ambassadors and send them to the UN.

Jimmy Fallon explained the pros and cons of watching the World Cup. Now I’ll let you in on a little secret: if you enjoy watching the games, but hate the commentary and would rather listen to something more fulfilling, mute the game and turn on Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody.” It’s probably the most brilliant idea I’ll ever have in my lifetime, because when the instant replays come on and you can see the intensity on the player’s faces, it’s just SUPREME GREATNESS.

And then, Jimmy talked to Cedric the Entertainer about his plans to visit to the White House for the Fourth of July extravaganza. The last time he was there, Cedric said he was taken on a tour of the White House, but instead of taking an interest in Lincoln’s bedroom, Cedric wanted to know what’s in Obama’s sock drawer…which is entirely legitimate. (Is it socks? Cheese? Condoms? Where could a President safely hide condoms in the White House, if not in his sock drawer?)

Katie Couric (where’s she been?) talked to David Letterman about the oil spill. Then they got to talking about electric cars, and the interview went to south that little perky and spunky Katie even mock-slit her wrists. I know you want to see that…because you should be lying dead in a field on a farm for retired horses if you don’t.

Jon Stewart reiterated the promises Obama made to America when he was running for President, and questioned where his promises for strong action and the return of a lawful country had ran off to. Oh, right! They’re becoming more like Bush’s policies every day! IRON HARD IRONY, EVERYONE!

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Then he talked about the resources that can be found in Afghanistan’s soil. We’re talking iron, copper, cobalt and gold that’s worth more than a trillion dollars, that when pooled together, could probably buy you an elephant you could keep in your apartment and could live off of cereal. But it turns out, we’ve known this since 2007. So why in the name of cheese doodles are we hearing about Afghanistan’s riches now? Easy! Because now, the race is on to get control of Afghanistan, and who do you think is more likely to succeed at that than the country that’s already occupied it for more than 104 months!?

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And last but not least, Stephen Colbert put a pair of his boxers and put it in a microwave. I’m not going to ruin this clip for you by adding any more text than that.

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